What sucks more than a month’s worth of dirty, stinky, slimy, horsehair-covered, pubescent camp laundry? A computer that crashes on its ass just when you have loads of goodness to share.

Since it has been two whole weeks since I’ve posted, hows about a little recap?

I took my 15 year old to see Mary Poppins at The Kennedy Center a couple Saturdays ago and it was amazing. Seriously, the whole reason for “Jolly Holiday” in the title is because even after two weeks I am still waking up with that song in my head. I loved it. My 15 year old loved it. If you are in or around Washington DC, you need to take the family for musical treat. The show runs through August 22nd. You can thank me later.

I had a blissful mentoring session with Marta Locklear. For three days I tried to be a human sponge in order to soak up all of her brilliance. There was also a lot of walking through fields and sweating involved. One aspect of my lofty goal structure was to not only learn a million mad skills from Marta but to also become her friend. So, even though I was a stinky pig most of the time, hopefully she dug me.

I still have gobs (yes, that’s a technical term) of images to edit and share with you so stay tuned for those as well as some changes that are in the works around here.

Before I was able to exhale after all of the Marta magic that I sucked in, I was on a flight the very next day to San Francisco to take part in the fabulous (and best conference I have attended) Yahoo Mother Board Summit. I haven’t been able to download those pictures yet because when I got home I found that my desktop (you know the one with all of my editing software) had crashed and frozen. Still working on that as I type (from my teeny weeny laptop).

The morning after I returned from CA, I picked up my baby from summer camp. *cue copious amounts of aforementioned dirty laundry* Only days later and still not unpacked, that baby tuned 11 years old. Her birthday request? A quiet day a home with family, spaghetti for dinner and a HoHo as a cake. Oh yeah, and we finally saw Eclipse. (Can I get arrested for commenting on the amount of beefcake in that film? I think yes.)

And now with my birthday only days away, I am offering gift ideas. Well, just one idea. I want you to come to my house and help me get organized. Not kidding. And yes, I’ve already asked my mother. She’s coming too.

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It’s Been A Jolly Holiday

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You may or may not recall that I’m quite familiar with this hotel…(no, I won’t be booking a spa session). Please keep your fingers crossed that they don’t remember me. I have to admit, the last time I was there I may or may not have acted very inappropriately.
Or not.
Or I did.
Or not.

(Yes, I did.)

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Going to Get Savvy’d

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One year ago this weekend, my kids and husband were in here while I stayed in Virginia and did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do – put Lillian to sleep. Tomorrow it will be one year to the day that she died. Sometimes, I get choked up because I feel like can’t remember how she smelled. Other days, I fully expect to see her stretching out in the sun on the rug when I wake up in the morning. Needless to say, I continue to miss her terribly and with my whole heart.

Last weekend, I was choked up as well but in more of a 911 kind of way. We were holding our annual Jazzercise potluck New Year’s party at my house and had just filled our plates when something went dreadfully wrong inside of my esophagus. What I thought was just a harmless bite of brie baked in pastry transformed into a cement dam inside of my airway. I was choking.

Never mind that I know the Heimlich maneuver or that I was surrounded by a room of women who are trained in it as well as CPR but instead of rushing in for help or giving the international sign for choking (which never even occurred to me) I ran away from everyone in a panic. My screwy thought process was to keep drinking water until the clog passed however my anxiety tripled when the water I was gulping went halfway down, hit the brick wall of brie and then made its way back up and flying out of my mouth. And I realized that I could not breathe.

It was the lack of air that made me decide to scream for help but when I tried, no sound would come out. So I did the only logical thing, I started beating on the walls. This failed to get anyone’s attention so I put my fist at the bottom of the middle of my ribcage and threw myself at the wall. It was a painful act but it eventually gave me enough of a jolt to trigger a coughing fit. That led to the deadly appetizer eventually shooting out and left me sounding like an 80-year old chain smoker for the reminder of the night.

Let me just tell you that when the party starts with you almost dying, it gets pretty darn crazy from there. I mean, after you save your own life, you feel like you owe it to yourself to celebrate.

And that we did. Possibly too much…

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Choked Up

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2. Hiking up the mountain on July 4th and then running back down. “I feel like I’m in a video game!”, I yelled as I (in my mind) gracefully descended at top speed Lara Croft style. The day long after party was a blast, too.

Us girls at the TOP

3. Surprising my 9 year old with the news, “We’re going to Disneyland TONIGHT!” She could. not. even. process. the. information. We then flew from D.C. to San Francisco only to jump in the car and drive to Los Angeles. CRAZY.

4. Disneyland. Need I say more? Who ever crowned it the happiest place on earth knew what the H they were talking about. You cannot help but smile and laugh out loud there. My favorite ride? The Screamer. LOVED IT. (No, this video is not from our roller coaster ride on The Screamer but it did just just make me pee my pants a little so you should watch it.)

5. My first motorcycle ride. I was scared to death weaving through San Francisco traffic, letting out a litany of involuntarily expletives every time we white-lined but I have to admit, even though I always swore I would never get on his motorcycle with him, I had a blast with my husband today. Now I just need some cool gear. Really, white aerobic instructor shoes are NOT sexy on the back of a bike.

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July Natural Highs in Five

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My apologies for keeping the kitty crotch shot up for so long but I’ve been a busy bee. I’d like to announce that after a full on nipple search on both cats as well as all of your wise advice here and on facebook, I feel confident that my cats are at least post-op trannies if not naturally male. We all feel better knowing because as GI Joe always said, “Knowing is half the battle.” And now I’m left wondering what the other half of the battle involves…

In other news, I wanted to give you a head’s up (just in case you are in the running) that I’m totally winning Mother of the Year for 2009. On Sunday, when I pick my 9 year old daughter up from her two week stay at summer camp, I will have the biggest, most coolest surprise to share with her. It will go a little something like this:

We’ll have the car packed with her trunk o’ filthy clothes. She’ll be busy chattering on about how much fun she had cantering every day on her favorite horse when we’ll call her dad on speaker phone.

Honey?
Yeah?
What do you feel like doing today?
I don’t know. I’m excited to see the dogs & cats. I’ve missed you guys. (I’m SURE she’s going to say how much she missed me.)
What would you say if I told you that we are getting on a plane in a few hours?
To California?
Yes. But better.
What???
Tonight, you and I are getting on a plane to San Francisco where we’ll meet up with your dad and sister and…are you ready for the best part?
YES!
We’re going to Disneyland!

Her mind may very well explode at this point so I’m going to have to be prepared to pull over and administer first aide. But do you think she’ll EVER forget a surprise of this magnitude? I think not.

And then I win Mother of the Year.

But before that, I have one more day with an empty nest and I intend on enjoying it. Food, fun & friends – it doesn’t get much better than that. Oh, and a 4 mile hike first thing in the morning. (God, I am SO OLD. A hike? Thrills me?)

Happy Fourth of July!!

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Wondering How Long the the Cat Porn Would Be Up, You Were

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