Petroville » Me… Just Me

The Good, The Bad & The ‘S’ Word

Kimberly — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:24:34 +0000

The good thing about having your children home with you for three weeks during inclement weather is that you really get to stop and smell the quality time. Even if that time involves too much eating and TV watching and not enough exercise, aside from sledding and shoveling, it still ranks as high quality. Let me tell you, there was a lot of giggling. A lot.

The bad part involves a high pitched shriek you may have heard yesterday when I stepped on the scale for the first time since…well, since 2009. It ain’t good, folks. All of my snovereating, combined with a few dark moments when I was clearly was trying to comfort myself with food and whatever else I could shove into my mouth, have finally taken its toll.

I purposely did not make any resolutions this year because I was saving myself for the motivation necessary to not make empty promises. Lucky or not, the scale and my fat pants have now allowed me that motivation. Ye-freaking-haw.

And what about this blog? What kind of ghost town has this place been? I used to call myself a freelance writer, amateur photographer and over all a pretty fit (and cool) chick. Now? Not so much.

The food coma inactivity party is over, y’all, and I’ve got to get back on a schedule. So, can one make New Year’s resolutions in late February…or should I call them something else?

I’m not suggesting that it’s all he ‘S’ word’s fault but I think it can at least be partially to blame for me now being the ‘F’ word.

February 21st is the new January 1st…at least in these parts. Blarg.

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The Good, The Bad & The ‘S’ Word

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Feel Good Fail

Kimberly — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:51:00 +0000

I am no stranger to seasonal blue periods. Typically, I hit my low point during the holidays as I become overwhelmed but bounce back with organizational zest and fervor when the new year settles in. It helps that January and February have always been our down time as a family. That lull usually results in a much needed full battery recharge come March.

This year, however, I have yet to locate my motivation. In January, I refused resolutions. Day to day, I feel no nagging need to tackle the looming lists of things to do. I don’t even care about dieting…which is really not me. If anything, you could count on me to be perched on the border of an eating disorder. Now, I eat what I want and am still disgusted with myself for it but not enough to change the behavior. Currently, I am completely not compelled.

And I was doing so well. For many months, I’ve been, dare I say, happy. Giddy, even. Now the blahs have set back in and I almost don’t even care.

I believe it began with some family turmoil at Thanksgiving which boiled over into heated discussions and uneasy friction among too many. An olive branch was met with a list of demands, a list I immediately shrugged away. With no love lost and a long time until the next set of holidays, I was hoping to let the snoozing dogs lie.

Aside from a couple dark days spent in bed watching House and eating meatballs, I’ve been able keep a level head. Our trip to San Francisco did a great job of shifting my focus. I may have even been on the verge of a motivational surge but once again I feel as though my sails are windless.

Back to back snow storms, nine canceled school days, a husband that can’t get a flight home and a letter I wish I had never received may be the ingredients of my latest good feeling fail. I can’t be sure but I do know this much: When faced with such a large amount of free time on my hands, I would usually find all kinds of anal-retentive ways to be over-productive. And also? I know that whatever lies in that letter is going to sting, at the very least.

So here I sit, biting the inside of my lip and wondering what started what, when it will stop and …if maybe I could just ignore it all a bit longer.

On a positive (and way more adorable) note, I have amazing friends, family and neighbors that have gone out of their way to help while we have been snowed in. You know who you are and I hope you know that I love you.

And LOST is on tonight. Yes, Kimberly, there is always a bright side.

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Feel Good Fail

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Thinking About Thankful

Kimberly — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:43:22 +0000

These thoughts, a kind of mental inventory, always seem to sneak up on me at this time of year.

“What was I doing last holiday season?”
“How are things the same?”
“How are they different?”
“What have I gone through this year that has changed me as a person?”
“Am I where I thought I’d be?”
“What am I most thankful for?”

My answer for the last turns out to be another list because what I am most thankful for this year is what I’ve learned.

1. I’ve learned that I’m just fine with saying I was wrong. Really, it’s way easier than I thought.
2. I’ve realized that I have nothing to be ashamed of.
3. I can learn new tricks.
4. I love you for the imperfect person that you are and relish the fact that you do the same.
5. I’ve learned to recognize that pressure in my chest as anxiety and have accepted that it is okay to not be around people that cause it.
6. I am amazed at just how many people want to help.
7. I put being healthy before being skinny…and I’m still working on that one.
8. I have felt my age.
9. I have felt my strength.
10. I’ve learned how to love better and deeper and that judgment is most often a complete waste of time.
11. I have realized that I’m not done yet.

Do you have a list like this? Tell me, tell me.

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Thinking About Thankful

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Just Say It

Kimberly — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:59:10 +0000

My dear friend, one that has been on the receiving end of my brutal honesty quite a few times, said this to me yesterday right out of the heavenly blue sky:

“Kim, so, um…do you think I should change my voice mail message?’

“Huh?”

“Because-I-think-you-should-change-yours.”

She said the last line in such a rapid fire manner that, if I weren’t gasping in a fit of asthmatic laughter, I would have thought she was sure I’d beat her with a set of brand new wire hangers for telling me such news.

Hello friend? You have a camel toe in those jeans? Those sunglasses make you look like a redneck? Yeah, you’re allowed to be honest with me especially when you think my new business voice mail message sounds like I have just been punched in the stomach.

That is all.

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Just Say It

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Big Things

Kimberly — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:05:24 +0000

I almost missed it. I got so caught up in the excitement that I forgot to celebrate my 1 year anniversary. It was one year ago yesterday, Election Day 2008, that I quit smoking cold turkey. Yes, I miss it and yes, I am a few pounds heavier but every time I am weak I remember how cancer took away one of my dearest friends. I recall the day I chose to break the nasty habit and I think, “Yes, I can.” One day at a time, one month at a time…and now it has been a whole year.

Happy Anniversary to my lungs.

The excitement I got caught up in is big news, too. I am now a contributor here.

My subject matter? Teen and Tweens.

Yes, the mother fucking Washington Times.

I’m looking at it as a reward…

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Big Things

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