Saturday, November 1st 2008
It’s been just over a week since I received the bad news about Lillian. My husband and I decided that we would tell the girls together when he’s home next week. I felt better about that because it gave me time to gather plan of action. Maybe if we’re able to tell our daughters that we are doing something to help Lil, the news may not be as crushing.
So for the last week, I’ve acted like there was nothing wrong while the girls were home. I held it all inside. I didn’t flinch or tear up once in their presence. I was a rock.
Lillian Dressed for Halloween
Last night, my husband called. Our 13 year old is in CA with him this weekend for Halloween.
Hey, honey.
Hey.
I know we decided to wait and tell the girls about Lil together but last night at dinner it came out.
What do you mean? What happened?
She wanted to know what was wrong with you. She said you have been acting weird all week and she was worried.
I felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut. What do you mean I was acting weird??? I have been a ROCK. A ROCK I TELL YOU!
Oh my God. Do you think she read my blog? I took the post down but maybe she saw it before I removed it.
No, she had no idea anything was wrong with Lil. She just knew something was up with you.
*ugh* What did she say?
She wanted to know if you were scared to tell her that Nana had died.
Holy shit! My poor daughter thought I was afraid to tell her that her great grandmother had died! (Nana is still very much alive, btw.) I have no idea how she could tell anything was wrong much less something in the death or dying category – but she did.
Am I really that transparent? And obviously, there’s no need to answer that one.
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Sometimes kids know how to break the ice better than adults.
It’s in their manual. It says, “When parents can not look you in the eye, be direct and ask them what is wrong. Let your parents know you are there for them just as much as they are there for you.”
I swear. It was on page 76, 3rd paragraph down.
I think kids can read adults moods and feelings much easier than we give them credit for. Try to hand a toddler off to a person you are unsure of and listen to them scream. It’s all in your body language.
Oh, Kim. I love you for trying so hard to do the right thing for you kids, while you writhe in pain on the inside. And kudos to your daughter for watching you closely enough to know that something was up.
So, how’d she take it?
Oh,big bear hugs to the both of you sweetie!!!!
Lillian looks like the queen she is…
you are so strong-hang in there
The thing about kids is they don’t miss a thing. I know I am not nearly as cleaver or stealth as I think I am.
Kim, that must have been tough for you.
It’s not that you are transparent. Your kids and husband know you very well. They can usually pick up on the slightest little clues. You should feel honored that your daughter picked up on something like that. She pays attention to you and it only goes to show you how much she loves you.
Speaking from the perspective of a daughter who no longer lives with her mother, but still talks to her at LEAST once a day… we can always tell when something isn’t right… we might not have a clue what it is, but we just KNOW when something is off… no idea how, we just can.
How did she take the news?
Thinking of you, and sending good thoughts and virtual hugs your way…
How did she take it? And your other darling daughter, how did she take it tonight?
They can easily sense that things are not quite right. They either think THEY are the cause of it or spend an amazing amount of time inventing a explanation that seems logical to them. I am sure you were more transparent than you were aware of.
Hope the California adventure was fun – the Baltimore adventure sure was!
I agree with the other commenters. It’s not that you were so transparent, but that kids (especially our own kids) have a six sense about these things.
Take care, my friend.
I know nothing anyone can say will help. Our dog Riley just got diagnosed with osteosarcoma 2 weeks ago. All I can tell you is that I understand how difficult it can be to see your baby dog in so much pain and know how the difficult decisions are that go along with it. We have been trying to figure out how to tell our son in a way he understands. He doesn’t. All he understands is that Mom and Dad are really sad. And maybe that’s enough for now. In the meantime, hug her a lot for all of us.