We were doing a little last minute back to school shopping at the mall yesterday. My 13 year old got on the escalator first, two teen girls filed in behind her and then my 9 year old and I hopped aboard. Halfway to the top I glanced up from my explanation on how there was no way in hell we were going to the Bear Factory when I realized what was going on in front of me.
The two teens, oblivious to our relation, were whispering, pointing and giggling behind my older daughter’s back, literally. I couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying but it was clearly nasty and clearly about my daughter.
Do you ever have those moments where time freezes and you feel entirely too old for the reaction you are experiencing? Once I pulled that bitch back into my 35 year old body, I cleared my throat and one of the mean girls turned around.
God has blessed me with a couple of things… or I inherited them from my Nana. Either way, I can immediately tell when a family member is lying to me. Also, I am able to give a look so evil that it can begin to curl the edges of your soul.
The meanie and I locked eyes and her smug expression faltered. I saw her process the facts. I watched her oh shit moment as she put together that I was the mother of the girl she had just been ripping. She turned back as fast as she could but my glare only intensified. I began to melt the back of her head with my eyes and she felt it. Oh, she felt it alright. She couldn’t help but turn around again and fall victim to my ocular trap. That’s when I got her with a double whammy. I may have even growled. It was like eye voodoo, I swear.
And then we were at the top. The mean girls scurried away and my daughter was never the wiser…thank God. I was still pissed. I needed to calm down. I needed to not look for those girls. When we got into the next store, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and felt a jolt.
I only hope I had given that girl at least half of the look I still had on my face because it was one of my best ever. Man, I am a mean looking beast when you mess with my kids.
After that, I did some deep breathing and then headed right into Sephora for some fancy skin rejuvenation cream. Protective mother lion aside, I was NOT having my face get stuck that way. Because you know that can totally happen.
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Good for you!! I can’t stand mean girls.
xoxo
LBC
Your girls won’t appreciate what capable eyes are in your head until much, much later in life.
Now I know you’ve already figured out the names of those mean girls and have them blacklisted on a list on the fridge, right? They’ll never see the inside of your gorgeous home or the insane view from the deck of your pool. Heh.
Teach them for snickering on an escalator.
Kids that age are so shitty especially the girls. I am dreading that age like no other.
WOW - you have MUCH more self-control than I. I think I would have lost it and ripped them a new ass!
I’m impressed you were able to make it back into your 35 year old body. THAT part I’m not so good at when pushed.
Yeah! That’s great stuff. I give people ‘the glare’ when I need to.
Sephora will cure whatever ails ya, 9 times out of 10.
Kids can be so cruel. Especially girls. GAH.
Oh, good for you, Mama Bear. I’d have been shooting death rays out of my eyes too if someone was whispering about one of my girls.
Mean girls. Boo! I’m glad you gave them a run for their money.
Argh. I don’t know if I would have your self control. Meg’s got it right, though - girls can be so mean.
Reminds me of the time we were on the train at night together in NYC. But then we were scared for our lives! All of us.
Jeez teenage girls can be nasty. Mine are 12 and I pray that don’t have a complete personality change next year. Good on you for NOT ripping her head off even though not a jury in the land could convict you.
Little witches. I’m like you, mess with my kids, and the claws come out!
You are the most awesome person on the planet at this second.
I admire your restraint because right now I am so effing furious I want to reach through my screen and bitchslap the smug little wench.
Of course, it IS 2 am, my stomach hurts from too many pieces of licorice and I am fairly certain I am going to start my period any second, so you may want to take all this violence with a grain of salt or twelve.
GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job!
Could you hold classes on this Look? (Or maybe a tutorial on your blog?) My kids are getting to the age where I need it.
And, that is what we call in our family as “giving the evil eye” - I am expert at it and can stare down the meanest looking person. I give the evil eye for bad driving, people cuttng in line, someone giving me a weird look, and more. It comes in handy in a lot of situations but should be used with caution. You never know if that person you are giving the evil eye will understand what you are doing and walk away or come over and pop you one. I tend to be very blunt at my youngest calls it and probably would have said something to those girls unlike when I was a teenager and I would have been the girl they were talking about. Kids can be so cruel.
I guess Problogger was right. You can meet all kinds of neat people through his Group Writing Project. Thanks for the post.
Wendy
http://shopping-gems.com/?p=165 (Post for Group Writing Project)
Personal Blog at http://swishersweetie.blogspot.com
Found your blog from the ProBlogger Killer Titles project. zOMG! Your title truly got my attention. Good for you for keeping restraint and pulling back into your grown-up self.
Love it, love it, love it. I jumped over here from ProBlogger, and while the title got me her, the actual post kept me here. Welcome to my Reader.
Loved your post and the title is excellent. Came over from Problogger. Great stuff here…
Hi, I’m here from the Problogger project. Having recently written a post about school bullying and a bad experience with my own daughter, I really got agitated reading about this. Watching your kid get treated badly is brutal. Thank goodness she missed it all.
Got to this post from the ProBlogger contest page. The title made me click and read so well done. Also, good post.
I think women develop that face after having kids. It must be a leftover from child birth. Happens right after delivery when your husband says ‘it will be easier next time.’ My mom has that look. She also only has one child. Coincidence?
G’day. Came here from problogger. Great title! And great post. I’ve been known to have a pretty good “1000-yard stare” as well, but I don’t think I could have been quite as restrained as you. Well done
Gee, take a picture of “the look” and patch it on here. I wana be mesmerized.
lol haven’t we ALL had those moments? I admire your composure - I’ve been known to lose mine and loudly call complete strangers out - oye!
Saw your title in problogger and thought it was pretty awsome.
I had to click and find out what happened. I had other thoughts
but you present a great word picture.
Gary McElwain
mean girls suck.
i’m sure your beautiful even when your pissed and angry.
Came in via problogger - do you have any tips for getting a death stare like that working? I have students that I need to get to shut up and yelling at them I know doesn’t work.
Also here from Problogger. Bet next time that girl bitches about someone she’ll check to see who’s around. Or maybe she’s now reformed. Mmm, maybe not. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall.
Great post and great title! I can over from ProBlogger from the title. And stayed for the blog — it made my day!
i fear the mean girls. i’m glad you stared them down.
You go on with your bad self! I wasn’t sure how this post was going to play out but well done on the title. You got me here!
cheers & best of luck with Problogger’s contest!
Excellent. I think I might have to add you to my feeds.
LOL at ” ocular trap”. Found you through the problogger title contest–great title! And great post to go along with it. Loved it!
good for you for giving it to the mean girls. (although part of me wishes this did end in a smack on the escalator!)
[...] Don’t Make Me Smack You Right Here on this Escalator by Kimberly [...]
Hi, your title piqued my interest. Saw it on ProBlogger. Great post.
great title for a great post! thanks for the smile this morning.
Love it!!! I have a pretty nasty glare and have been known to melt a few heads. Fantastic post! (Came in from ProBlogger)
I’ve seen that look. Over business cards. It was a look you do NOT mess with. Again, still my favorite thing from BlogHer!
[...] Don’t make me smack you right here on the elevator - As a parent I could relate to this. It wasn’t quite the story I was expecting, but it was entertaining nonetheless and I spent a bit of time on her blog. [...]