Thursday, August 21st 2008
I’m no expert on twins. I am not a twin. I do not have twins. My mother, however, is a twin although her and her twin sister look and act nothing alike.
Do you know which is my mom?
They say twins run in our family but so far we have birthed zero sets in this generation. I think the Genetic Fates are saving that privilege for my sister who’s new husband claims to have twins on his side as well. Maybe their combined genedom will create quintuplets and they’ll need to hire me as a nanny and help produce their own reality show. I’m sure with all the hot newlywed sex they are having, it can’t be long before somebody (hopefully my sister) ends up pregnant. I’ll keep you posted on that as well as all other breaking news as it happens.
I haven’t known many identical twins in my life. There was one set in my elementary school named Jessie & Laurie. At 8 years old, they were very definitely a pair. The uniforms we were all forced to wear did not assist in telling them apart but they (or their parents) took the blending even farther. They wore identical hair accessories, jackets and shoes. They carried the same book bag and lunch box. And the boys loved them. It used to drive me crazy!
I understand the cute factor. I mean, I don’t have twins but I have on occasion gifted my girls with (Read: forced them to wear) oh-so-sweet sister & me outfits.
Yes, yes, we all do things to haunt our offspring.
My impression was that with real twins and even faux twins like mine, this was a phase which would be outgrown. I always thought that parents would one day get over buying their children matching attire and instead strive to cultivate each child’s individual identity.
I assumed that the kids would buck it, too. Mary Kate & Ashley aside, what adult twins still look alike and dig it?
I found out for myself at my sister’s wedding reception.
I was walking inside from the lovely outdoor patio when I spotted a young man being assisted by his friends to a table. He was clearly intoxicated. I didn’t think much of it except that I was glad he had help. He looked to be in pretty rough shape and it was still early.
Later that evening, I passed by that same table of friends. My husband was with me this time and one of the guys introduced himself. I was happy to see that, slurring aside, the drunk one who had looked like such a hot mess earlier now seemed to have his act somewhat together. After a bit of small talk, my husband and I were about to continue inside. We said our farewells.
“Nice to meet you guys”, I said. “Oh and I’m glad to see you are feeling better.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I didn’t like his tone but I continued on anyway oblivious to what was coming.
“You were having trouble walking earlier. I was concerned but it looks like you have some good friends here.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about but you should really mind your own fucking business”, he slurred.
With that my jaw dropped and my blood pressure rose.
“What the hell did you just say to me?”, I whisper-screamed not wanting to make a scene.
Cue Hulk Husband who defended my honor and almost punched his drunken lights out. No one came to actual blows but there was some serious shirt grabbing. The drunk guy’s friend apologized for him and promised to keep him out of trouble. Hello! I’m the bride’s sister! Wedding party? See my dress?? And he’s cussing me out?
After the reception, a group of us went back to the hotel and congregated at the bar. We placed our order, looked up and saw the jerk and his lovely wife having drinks in the far corner (like he needed any more alcohol). My husband and I both promised to stay away from him because by this point we were both tipsy (at least) and didn’t want any issue.
As the night went on, the crowd’s celebratory exuberance only grew. (Read: The crowd was getting drunk and rowdy.) I excused myself to the little girl’s room. When I opened the door to exit the bathroom, I found my husband waiting for me.
“What’s going on? Are you OK?”
“We need to go.”
“That’s fine. I’m ready anyway, This dress takes forever…wait, you look weird. Did something happen?”
“Yeah, I had words with that jerk again and ended up escorting him out.”
“Oh, crap…”
“Yeah, only it wasn’t him. Come on. I’ll explain later. We need to get out of here.”
As it turns out, the jerk has an identical twin who wasn’t a jerk. In fact, he was a sweetheart and didn’t even call the cops on my husband for almost finishing what his jerk twin brother started at the reception. He said that this kind of thing happened all the time and I could understand why when I finally saw them both together. They were completely identical especially when viewed through champagne/wine/beer goggles. And that? Can lead to all kinds of trouble.
So again, I’m no expert but if I had a twin sibling who was prone to getting drunk at parties and cussing people out, I would do my best to NOT look like them. I like my teeth too much. Know what I’m saying?
Share it:
I ♥ Kristabella, Nonsoccermom, Mama speak, Jerri Ann, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah, Miz S, AM, Sherry, Mattie, NGS, Jean-Luc Picard, and Jamie Bowden.
I went to high school with three sets of twins in my graduating class, and generally, they made definite attempts to insure you always knew which you were talking to.
Oh hi, we sort of met at the Kung fu Panda thing…you were rushing out as we were arriving. Robin says your funny, and I’ve been reading via RSS and agree, so uh yeah, howdy.
There are twins in my office and are about 22. Quite uncanny.
Poor guy. I have trouble enough equating my non-identical sister with me!
Okay, am I losing my mind or is your mother’s sister Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You know, Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg?
Check out the pic on Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Bader_Ginsburg
I am the last one to know?
My grandfather and great-aunt were twins.
Next set didn’t show up until his grandson - my brother had one set; fraternal.
No more twins yet as most (15 of 18) of the great-grandchildren are not of child bearing/rearing age yet.
I forgot … my mother dressed my sister and I as twins. We are 18 months apart. She has blonde, naturally wavy hair and when she turned sideways she’d disappear. I, on the other hand, have dark brown hair, and when I turned sideways I blocked out sunlight.
Yeah. Not so happy about that at all.
I am kind of glad you got on this TWIN subject
Does anyone out there think it is rather odd that Hollywood is having an array of twins???!!! They may not be identical, but come on?? For example Angelina and Brad claim it runs on Brad’s side of the family, but what about JLo?? And Lisa Marie Presley? Even Ricky Martin’s surrogate gave birth to twins yesterday. There are so many more that I don’t have enough room to write. What do you guys think?
First of all, it was so great to relive the reception - albeit through a strange interaction with you and the twins but still.
Secondly - I have only met them a few times and I can’t tell them apart - even when I am sober.
Finally, you are damn straight that I would hire you if I have four kids. Why would you even say such a crazy thing - are you trying to make me paranoid???
I love that you almost started a drunken brawl at your sis’s wedding. That’s funny as hell.
I can only assume that my twins won’t have to deal with that.
Did I ever tell you about the time I swore I saw a ghost, only to find out that it was the deceased’s identical twin brother?
Twins generally skip a generation. My great grandfather was a twin. None of his children have twins. But in the next generation, there are 8 sets of twins. (Let me add that he had 18 kids so to say he had 8 sets of twin grandkids might not be much but…, just thought I’d add!)
My FIL is an identical. His brother and he went so far as to go to the same college (PA), become doctors (different specialties), resident in the same area (SF Bay Area), become missionaries in the same country (Ethiopia) and then move back to their original home base (Topeka, KS). I find that more than odd, but maybe I’m weird. My husband’s uncle married while an undergrad and his dad didn’t marry until completely done w/school. There are many stories about them confusing people, especially the lunch room women at their very Christian college when his dad would bring some new date and an hour later his uncle would show up w/his wife (now getting lots of dirty looks from the lunch room ladies).
My boss is an identical twin and it freaks me right the hell out. The day she introduced me to her sister I did a double-take. Making matters worse: their names are Jane and Jean. Because THAT isn’t confusing at all.
That is so a story out of a sitcom. Where were Danny Tanner and Cliff Huxtible when you needed them? Actually, that sounds more like something out of Three’s Company.