Last night, I tried to get to bed at a decent hour. I really tried but somehow the show I put on that I was sure would put me to sleep kept me engaged for over an hour. Have you seen America’s Got Talent? Cross-dressing celebrity impersonators, moms doing a burlesque can-can and a 4 year old that can bring down the house? I am dead serious when I say there is something for everyone on that show.

I knew I had to get up at 4:30 but something about the Hoff’s reactions kept me wide awake. After a while, I realized that I was trying to figure out how old he looked. And Sharon Osborne? She’s had work done, hasn’t she?

Anyway…you see how I get caught up.

I needed to get up early because I swapped classes with my friend Erica. She teaches the 5:45 am class (bless her heart) and I teach the 8:40. If I taught her class instead of my own, I would be able to get my stepson to the airport in time to make his flight.

Good plan, right?

Well, Jack(ass) must not have been in on it.

One hour after I finally got to sleep, he decided to bark and bark and bark. So, I got up and let him out. And then fell back to sleep. An hour later, I awoke to him barking and barking and barking outside. So I let him in. This happened again and then again. I think the last time I screamed a line of obscenities so foul my mouth tasted sour as I released him out into he dark morning to yap at what the hell ever had his empty balls in a twist.

Needless to say, I did not get nearly enough sleep but off to class I went with coffee in hand and luggage under my eyes. I knew that once I got there, and got moving, I would be fine.

What I didn’t know was that I would be monitored.

Jazzercise monitors all of their instructors yearly to make sure they are running things by the book. The instructor is rated on each routine and then on the following categories; Preparation, Dance Technique, Instructional Technique, Presentation and Class Structure. After the class, the monitor hands out slips of paper to all of the customers in class and asks them to rate you as well. It’s a lot of rating.

So you can imagine my surprise (and my heart rate) when I saw the monitor walk into my class. I was already up on stage, well into the second routine and had to actually think about taking deep breaths because I feared passing out. I had not had enough sleep for this.

Of all the days! And this lady, the monitor, we don’t have the best history. (I know, you’re shocked because I get along with everybody, right? Heh.) She runs the center I where I used to instruct and she wasn’t so good with the paychecks. I left on not-great terms with her back in October and have not seen her since. And now she gets to pass or fail me…yay!

I made it through the set only making a few mistakes and not buckling or vomiting. Afterwards, we sat and awkwardly talked about my performance. Actually, she was very professional. And I’m not fired so I guess we can chalk it up to a successful morning.

But I must tell you, it was much more than I bargained for when I set my clock for 4:30 am last night and lost myself in David’s forehead lines.

After I got home for the airport, I did some thing I never do unless I’m sick. I took a nap. I woke up an hour later covered with sweat and scared shitless about the serial killer that was hunting my family down at a Jazzercise convention.

Which is why I don’t nap.

And how was your day?

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