Yes, I wonder why I ponder the things I ponder but then that just leads me to yet another redundancy.
Whether you are new to blogging, a seasoned pro or somewhere in betwixt, you have most likely seen or felt this happen. A change. A shift. A turn in what you believed to be an airtight union between you and another blogger.
Before you get your antennae up and bothered, I am not talking about anyone specifically but instead about everyone indirectly.
Three years and some change into this blogging deal and I am happy to report that I’m still friends with many of the fine folks that I met when I was just a lass. However, along the way, some friendships have altered and I’m not entirely sure why.
Part of me wants (read: obsesses over) to find out. Did I say something to offend? Did they just grow weary of my prattle? What gives?
I don’t ask because that seems like excessive insecurity in an already vulnerable environment.
I’d like to know how to deal with the evolution of blog friendships. Is it kosher to just not talk anymore? Are you able to move in different circles without looking back and wondering about the cause of the path modification?
Clearly, I’m not.
And what about those circles that never let you inside? No matter how much you reach out, a snub is your only return. Without inviting paranoia, my only guess is that they’ve filled their friend quota.
Either that or my underarms smell.
Well when we all got together to talk about you the smell of your armpits never came up.
I kid. I know what you mean–especially the last part.
MammaLovess last blog post..Another Port-o-Potty Post
oy, why does every aspect of life have to mimic high school?
I’m going through a similar non-blogging-related schism. A group I lived with for 2mos during a study abroad trip all seem to be buddy-buddy with each other, yet none of them return my emails. I thought we parted as friends. What gives?
(fwiw, all of our armpits collectively smelled; and we bathed communally in a lake. Apparently being smelly is not always a deal-breaker.)
De in D.C.s last blog post..Is It Autumn Yet?
I KNOW! It’s so weird sometimes! I have wondered about this more than once. I think internet friendships are very tricky.
I’m way too insecure to create friendships - whether irl or in the blogging world (Why can’t we have an acronym for that? We have irl, why not itbw…
Anyway, I now see some validation in my completely selfish I-have-no-friends-for-fear-of-losing-them ways. At your expense, it’s kinda nice to know that it’s not just me. hehe… Sorry, it is rather frustrating. But hey, I’ve been reading you for years and I still like your blog! (Let’s not be friends, ok?) 
huh?
i’m so out of the loop with my one hand. oy.
well, i loves you anyway.
I think it’s a really touchy thing. When you’re typing, it’s not like you can go “oh no, I meant blahbity blah blah” when someone takes it the wrong way. You put it out there, it is what it is, and people take from it whatever they’re going to take from it, and then the best part comes - they judge you for it.
We all do it. I do it. But how do you know you have chemistry if you don’t have the ability to know that you *don’t*?
When I read a person I ask myself if I wouldn’t mind jumping on the phone and yacking a while with ‘em. If my answer is no, well, then you know how that goes. Stick a fork in me.
Sometimes, though, things change. It does take a while to see someone’s true colors. If they have a pattern of behavior that you’d rather not watch anymore - if they have a way that you thought was sweet that has become annoying, like leaving the toilet seat up on their comments. Or just peeing all over your blog instead of aiming for the comment box. I mean, it’s not like you have a towel on the floor to soak up their mess - you just gotta clean up the pee and move on.
Sometimes, it takes two. Okay most of the time. And often times, if there’s only one doing all the hard stuff, it gets weary. If only one is really invested, they eventually pull out of the deal. Sometimes, people make people feel like they’re the only one invested by only “calling when they want something”. Then it’s not so much a friendship, but a lean-to.
I could ramble on about this for days, if you haven’t already noticed. Personally, I have qualifiers to know how how invested I should get. If certain things aren’t met, I pull back. It’s a defense mechanism.
There. Don’t you feel better now?
Holy hell I wrote a book. Stick a fork in me.
Leannes last blog post..I Believe in Love.
I’ve spent the majority of my blog life outside of the circle looking in…so I can relate in a way. The circle that I am a part of is a small but sweet one. Most ladies are busy and don’t have the spare time I do. I try not to fret over it ‘cos I would probably stop blogging if I did worry about those closed circles.
Like I told my teenage daughter….girls are mean. Man, that sucks ‘cos I’m a girl. Dang.
Hope I was never mean to any of you.
DeeJays last blog post..Thursday Thirteen
It happens to every blogger and is not necessarily personal. Just like IRL we can’t be friends or even friendly with everyone. Though we know that we’re unique, the truth is the internet is full of other people just like us, and in an instant people’s attention can be diverted.
The trick is to develop a thick enough skin so they can’t see you bleed. Or cry.
It’s ’cause you smell like cheese.
Busy Moms last blog post..In which summer sneaks up on me
I didn’t smell cheese, but there was a long blonde hair in my mojito.
Leannes last blog post..I Believe in Love.
I’m too new to blogging to have it happen to me yet, but after reading numerous bloggers say the same thing I fully it expect it, and I know it’ll hurt like hell when it does.
catnips last blog post..a little interruption
I completely get this…maybe because we’ve blogged about the same amount of time. I’ve had a few bloggers who I used to adore and felt I made this instant connection with just drop me and not visit mine at all anymore. Did I offend?
By the same sense, my life’s shifting and I am a less active commenter now and post much less. I write when I feel compelled to do so, and that may annoy my readers unfortunately. And, the bloggers who dropped are doing the opposite. They’ve gone more “commercial” and sometimes I read posts that i feel are completely put out there to stir up some pot and get more hits, but might not even been sincere or truthful. I may be wrong and I’m certainly not trying to judge them, but it does make me realize that we all have different motivations for blogging and maybe that’s why sometimes a blog friendship fizzles–it’s those differences.
Anyway, food for thought. Oh, and some gossip…I heard there was this Jazzercise queen who taught the greatest classes and had the best hair, but there was this one problem…she had the worst B.O. EVAH. No one knew how to tell her…(grin)
Steph.s last blog post..An unclever riddle, followed by a cranium explosion…
I WANNA KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!
hehehehe, I am so snickering at myself right now.
Ahem. ANYway - I think a lot of it is timing. And the natural way of things - you meet a friend, you have that honeymoon period, and then you kind of stop putting in the effort. And unfortunately, that just happens sometimes.
Except with us. We are blonde curly headed soul mates. ForEVER!
Miss Britts last blog post..So This Is What They Mean By The Big Bad Internet
It’s similar to high school for me. I always wanted to hang with the cool kids, but just never could keep those friendships alive. Part of it is probably my fault. I suck at keeping friendships going. I’m a tad insecure (read: a LOT). I don’t take rejection well, and kinda turn inward.
But I wanna be friends.
So even in blogging I often feel like I’m a 15 year old girl begging to be let in, but becoming wounded. At times I sulk, so to say, in my corner and suck my thumb. :-)
Yes, the rejection does effect me, but the grown woman in my head says to my teenage self, “Suck it up. Let it roll off your back. It’s not you, it’s the evolution of a community.”
Sigh. Now if only I could believe her.
Smiling Moms last blog post..Sing a song, sing it loud
If someone buys you some deoderant, start worrying!
Jean-Luc Picards last blog post..Riker’s Temporary Replacement (Part Three)
Silly girl. The beauty of cyberspace is that we can’t smell your pits from over here!!!
Megs last blog post..My dog has a new nickname…
I’m still here and love you and so many others. But some “real life” issues are getting in the way.
PunditMoms last blog post..PunditMom on Good Morning, America!
I feel the same way sometimes…
Alas, there is nothing I can do to fix it - I shower, but.. I guess I still stink. (I sure was stinky last night!!)
Just know that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere - even if you don’t return my emails! JK LOL!!
xo
LBC
Ladybug Crossings last blog post..Thursday 13
Face it: some people Get You and some don’t. Everybody has their Moments and everyone’s arms smell! Enjoy the ones that Get You and don’t Worry- Be Happy!
wildbillthePirates last blog post..Get Friendly With the G-Spot!
Glad to know I’m not the only one who
obsessesthinks about these things!Musings last blog post..Keepsake
I think it just happens, like any friends and aquaintences, sometimes you become better friends and sometimes you don’t see each other for a while.
I’m not into wanting to be in any circle, so that doesn’t apply.
Oh, and if someone offends me? What do you want to bet I’ve TOLD them and they KNOW it?
annies last blog post..Nature’s Bounty…
And people might not like me because they think I’m dumb and cannot SPELL.
*paranoid*
annies last blog post..Nature’s Bounty…
You smell like cheese? AWESOME! I love cheese!
I wonder all these same things. I’ve not yet stopped talking to any blog friends, but I do feel that I get snubbed sometimes. And I think it is because people get busy and things change. Well, that’s what I want to believe and not because someone better came along.
But I’m not someone to just stop talking to someone altogether.
It is very high school cliqueish.
Kristabellas last blog post..I Am Drunk
Hmmmm, I’ve yet to really worry about it with blogging friendships. Real friendships though, that’s another story. What did I do to get excluded from their life?? Then I think I just overestimated the return of the friendship and feel like a stupid dork for thinking we were better friends.
de-lurking to comment on this cos i often feel this way too. i can’t remember how i found your blog (a link from another? commenter?) anywho–i also have been blogging for awhile and have experienced the same thing. i don’t comment all over the place, i don’t promote my blog, etc. so when people drop off from reading i wonder why. though, i’m pretty random so that might be it.
creative kerfuffles last blog post..ck trivia
You’re not trying to break up with me are you?
Honestly, though, I’m too overextended in real life to worry about getting into any new blog circles, but yes, I’ve been there. I’ve never been one to care much about getting into the cool crowd, and when I start caring, I know I got off track somewhere along the way and I try to find myself again.
Blog friendships are probably a lot like friendships in real life. Most friendships thrive when you are in a situation where you can see each other often. When things change, and you can’t talk as much, you either stay close….or you don’t, depending on what kind of friendship it is. Most of the time, it’s not personal. The love is still there if it was there before.
raehans last blog post..Happy Father’s Day
I came over to find out about the Rabbit, Rabbit, thing and what do I encounter but talk of smelly armpits. I’m glad to see somebody writing about this though, ’cause I’ve been blogging just long enough now to have had some of these deeper questions arise in my mind. I didn’t realize these blogs had an aroma or odor.
Either my computer isn’t working right or I’ve lost my sense of smell, ’cause I’ve never noticed smelly armpits on any blogs, but am thinking some may have detected some on my blog. How else to explain what happens? Can’t imagine it could possibly be caused by what I write. But then, there’s only so much time for so many visits. Guess somebody else was just more interesting, that’s all. Or, maybe disaster struck their life and no time for blog talk. Maybe they’ll come back, maybe not.
I have learned a thing or two, this blogging is just like life — take care how much self is invested with other bloggers; don’t be mislead as to significance of meaning by the immediacy of this media’s exchange; retain a reasonably thick layer of outer protective skin; exercise care with the level of intimacy you offer and receive; changes in contact may not be personal. Bloggers have a whole world of people out there to meet which may be why they wanted to blog in the first place, so they’re likely meeting new people all the time. Probably is a “friend” quota, so exchanging the old for the new is just a given, with “friends” that “stick” the exception. Have to re-learn these lessons sometimes, no matter how experienced and old we become.
joareds last blog post..1
i know what you mean. i’m not a fan of it. it seems like one group that falls off, another group joins. it’s wierd. is there therapy available for this kind of thing? maybe because my subscriptions are changing and my comments are changing? do people think this of me?
i don’t think it’s a clique kind of thing. i think it’s an evolution kind of thing.
sorta.
hey, how do you handle your comments? do you respond to them individually through their blogs? through email? do you answer them in your comments? in the next post?
Yolandas last blog post..everyone’s a blog whore