The box of tissues sat precariously on the arm of the sofa as it had for months. I looked at it in defiance as I made myself comfortable, preparing myself for an easy session with my therapist. I had nothing to say, really, but I felt funny about canceling since it had been almost a month since my last visit.
I go to therapy as an outlet - blogging to a professional, if you will. I don’t have any deep, dark, scary secrets that I need to share (I keep those in a vault surrounded by a moat) or any issues that prevent me from leading a normalesque life but I do fare better when I “talk it out”. The whole experience tends to keep who I strive to be in the forefront of my brain instead of on the cozy back burner or better yet, completely under the rug.
So without much turmoil to report in my life, I was resigned to a fairly bland hour.
“I’m glad to hear that, Kimberly. Tell me, what is going well right now?”
As I clicked off the list from marriage to personal struggles, somehow that crafty, little minx trapped me.
Doc: “Do you find that the day to day schedule of being a mom, like packing backpacks and driving to soccer practice, is sometimes a weary exercise?”
Me: “Not usually…because they grow up so fast that you want to do those things for them, you know? I want to pack the lunch and help with the homework. I want them to know I am there for them. I want them to grow up and remember the little things.”
Before I proceed, I need to tell you a few things. First, I have yet to shed a tear in her office and second, she does not have children. The first part I am very proud of and the second makes me think there is no way in hell this therapist will ever understand me wholly. And finally, I’m not sure about you but, if you get me talking about my kids growing up, I’m going to melt. My face gets red, my eyes water and things begin to twitch involuntarily. Of course, as “the professional”, she noticed this reaction (or the trap she set).
Doc: “Something about talking about your daughters is making you sad right now, Kimberly. Can you tell me why?”
At this point, I could almost hear her saying the line from Rocky IV in her head. “I must break you.”
And, of course, if you mention the fact that I look like I am about to cry when I actually AM about to cry….bingo! I will cry.
So I cried.
And I had to take a damn tissue from the damn box and I know this somehow satisfied her.
I went on like a blubbering idiot trying to explain to this woman how my reaction was not a “sad” one but one that most mothers would have when reflecting upon their children growing up so. bloody. fast.
Shouldn’t she already know that even if she isn’t a mom? I’m sure it has been referenced in some movie or book along the way from Eve to now?
I don’t know why it pissed me off that I cried in front of her. I’m also not certain as to why she doesn’t understand me better if she is so “certified” and all. Maybe another therapist could tell me that. At any rate, I left in a huff with my big sunglasses on over my puffy eyes questioning if this entire exercise was worth the money and the grief.
That’s when I saw it. God’s reward for my breakthrough (or whatever). A designer sidewalk sale was going on in the lot right next door. And not just any sidewalk sale - a 70% off sidewalk sale! With cute dresses. And shoes.
I couldn’t help but take it as a sign.
And buy a dress.
And make a mental note to cancel my next appointment.
Or God was rewarding you for letting go in front of your therapist…just sayin’.
MammaLoves’s last blog post..I’d Blame it on the Illness or the Weather…
That reminds me. I need to go in for a “tune up.” I hope I can find a good dress sale, too. Seriously, I’m all for therapy, but it would be pretty hard for someone to understand motherhood who isn’t a mother. I thought I understood it plenty well enough B4 PunditGirl. I was an idiot.
PunditMom’s last blog post..Tomorrow We Can Breathe
I hear you, sister, except I was crying last Friday night in front of a female doctor and there was no sidewalk sale at the end of the rainbow.
I would wait a couple of days and see whether you still feel pissed at your therapist or not. If you do, cancel the appointment.
Great post.
raehan’s last blog post..Self-Portraits 34 weeks
Sounds to me as if you have your head on straight. Cancel, yes.
old horsetail snake’s last blog post..A Fistful of Hummers
I don’t care if she keeps parakeets and never wants to give birth, ever, she should understand. Heck, even I get it!
If you feel as if you’re not getting anything from her, change therapists. Sometimes two people can only go so far with each other…
pam’s last blog post..Remember the Alamo!
Gonna throw in a word in defense of the therapist not being a mom. When I first got out of grad school and had my first real job as a social worker. I was teaching parenting classes in Louisiana. During one of my first classes, I had a mom of 7 yell at me from the back of the room, “Honey, you got any kids?” I answered “No. I’m not a parent. I hope to be one some day.” She then bellowed at me, “What’s someone like you without any kids gonna be able to tell me about parenting if you ain’t got you any kids?” My answer, “Because I was a kid.” There are two perspectives of parenting, that of the parent…and that of the child.
Maybe your therapist is more the latter than the former.
Of course, you could always just yell at her, like that mom yelled at me, and see how she responds. : )
But I also agree if, the therapist isn’t a match, find another.
So, I’m not all “therapy is where it’s at”. But, I also think that therapy is multivalent. So when a therapist asks a question I am always suspicious that they aren’t, in fact, curious about the answer.
Instead, sometimes the question is meant to provoke a behavior rather than an answer. Because therapy isn’t just about a doctor finding out about you to give you answers; nor is it just about you discovering problems and answers. Sometimes it’s just supposed to be like a mental massage. And, to preserve the analogy a little, during a massage you endure minor pains and discomforts for the purpose of loosening muscles, and releasing toxins from cells, so that after a time only a more euphoric body persists, and it doesn’t matter that you don’t know what’s making you feel good later.
Because the purpose of a massage isn’t knowledge, it’s feeling. And sometimes therapy is like that too: it’s just about getting you to feel a certain way (hopefully better) by prodding and causing discomfort that will allow you to release some toxic stuff, even if you aren’t aware that you are doing so.
So, now that I’ve been all 7 kinds of presumptuous that one can be on a stranger’s blog :} I don’t know what your relationship is like with your therapist. And if you feel like she really just doesn’t get you and isn’t going to help you in any way, then you are the only judge of that. But if you haven’t already considered the therapy-as-massage perspective, then maybe it can help you re-evaluate your relationship and her behavior. Maybe those questions aren’t ill-considered and curious at all.
Cheers.
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Sophie
Oh…you had me at “70% off”. That’s the best therapy in the world right there! Retail therapy!
Jumpin’ On My Last Nerve’s last blog post..So many stories, so little time
I want a therapist. And I’ll bet she has some kind of financial interest in the store next door. How brilliant would that be?
mommy needs a cocktail’s last blog post..Who knew the sinus cavity went so far down into your face?
Awwww I totally get it. Find a new therapist - with kids!
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Ditching The X
until she has kids, she cannot even begin to understand. I started to tear up just reading about your kids growing up.
Definitely get a new therapist.
I’m a firm believer in therapy, but the right therapist. And she’s not the right one for you. Of course you would cry thinking about that!
Thank God for Sidewalk Sales!
Kristabella’s last blog post..4/19/08 - The Day I Officially Became Old
Maybe there’s a reason you’ve been going there for months & haven’t cried — do you feel totally safe there? Do you trust her?
Marie’s last blog post..The Great Escape
It took a THERAPIST to make you cry about that? Damn girl. You are tough.
Let’s see, the last time I cried about that was… um… oh yes. Sunday. Watching a music video about how “you’re gonna miss this”.
Oh fuck. Here I go again…
Miss Britt’s last blog post..How Miss Britt Makes Yet Another Metrosexual
I know what you mean. There’s a liquor store right downstairs from my therapist’s office. AND they don’t charge a $50 co-pay.
MetroDad’s last blog post..It Takes a Village: Questions for Other Parents
Hi! I tagged you to do a new “Lemonade Meme”
http://spunkymommy.blogspot.com/2008/04/ode-to-lemons.html
You’re it!
Sarah the Spunky Mommy’s last blog post..Ode to Lemons
I always get mad when I cry in front of people.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)’s last blog post..How is Your Self-Esteem? Mad-Lib it.
Nope they can’t understand unless they’ve had the SAME experience. Same as drug rehab therapists can’t FULLY understand addiction unless they’ve been there. I think I wrote about the therapist I saw who had never had a panic attack, I was dumbfounded, I had NO idea other people had NEVER had one. Or the IDIOT psychiatrist who made a joke about agoraphobics, when that was one of my symptoms. NOT funny.
I don’t want a woman’s advice on ANYTHING motherhood related if she doesn’t have children.
I think she was more interested in seeing if you were depressed (asking if the the motherhood chores were making you weary) so she could stuff you with Prozac (like every other doctor oin the planet) and therefore feel that she had “fixed” someone.
I walk past my photo gallery in the hallway 50 times a day, and at least a couple times a week, I tear up over the photos of my babies. It’s called LOVE, not weariness.
That’s what I would have told that therapist and what the Hell did SHE know, not having any children of her own.
annie’s last blog post..Live From New York…
Backpacking Dad:
Very true.
I have gotten the feeling that releasing the emotional toxins by prodding is good for me albeit painful. That discomfort keeps me aware and ready to make change - which I know is a good thing and also what I am there for (and paying to have done).
She may very well be a brilliant therapist - and I am committed to see where this road takes me so to speak. However, I not convinced we are a perfect match because she makes me want to pound my fists (on her) that doesn’t sound healthy…does it?
Thanks for your honest comment.
Having just broken up with my therapist (for totally different reasons), I can tell you that it’s liberating. When you know it isn’t working anymore, you know it. Good for you. And - hey - you scored cute clothes too!
merseydotes’s last blog post..Car Seat Neurosis
oh my dear! Your sentiments are so very normal. You know how I choke up talking about my daughters - it never lessens - it’s always there because the love is so deep.
Should not be a surprise - it’s inherited!
Ooh, cute shoes and dresses! Too bad you didn’t notice the sale on the way IN.
Stupid tears. (I don’t like to cry in front of people either.)
Jennifer H’s last blog post..The scent of a memory
Crying: Why are we all crying this week? I just wrote about this - seeing Danica Patrick cry made me think about how I cry all the freakin’ time at stuff.
I have never had a therapist but maybe I could work through this issue I have with crying with one.
Meg’s last blog post..God knows, we try.
Watching my kids grow up is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I cry frequently now that Zed is changing daily.
InterstellarLass’s last blog post..Future Professional Soccer Player
Oh babe. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t tried therapy yet, right now I just shop and drink. But the thought of my kids in elementary school makes me want to start bawling.
xoxo love to you from the MoCo
JessicaAPISS’s last blog post..Celebrating Mamas
I hate crying. Just hate it. But when it’s done, I always feel so cleansed and calm.
Cancel your appointment and keep her number in your phone.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..the day i became a celebrity whore
I hope that whatever form of therapy you choose supplies your soul with what you need.
Jenn’s last blog post..Correspondence, Part Two
Ha! Good for you on the dress. Way back when I was attending therapy sessions, I used to get the same feeling. Like they weren’t satisfied until they’d reduced me to tears. Lame!
Atomic Bombshell’s last blog post..Time Trial