Growing up, my family always kissed on the mouth. Greetings, congratulations, bedtime, goodbyes…you name it and we puckered.
It was in high school when I began to realize that cheek smooching was far more popular among other people’s family members. By that point in my life though, I was working my hardest to not be anywhere around my family so kissing them was the least of my concerns.
I remember the first time I brought my soon-to-elope-with boyfriend over to meet my family. Besides remarking on how gross it was that my dog ate out of the cat’s litter box, he was really unnerved by the display of lip service going on when everyone arrived.
“What’s up with all the kissing in your family?”
“Ummmm, I don’t know. They’ve always done that.”
“Well, they’re not kissing me on the mouth like that…ever.”
Ha! As soon as he became an official family member, he was doing the duck and swerve just like the rest of us younger folk.
Maybe it’s a generational thing?
I think there is an age when it stops being appropriate. Of course, when your kids are little sweet baby cherubs like this, it’s fine.
But what about a 12 year old? A teenager? A grown woman and her aunt?
Ew.
Recently, my Nana asked my mother why the girls “gave her the cheek” when she went to kiss them. I felt bad when I heard this but I know how my daughters feel and I don’t want them doing something they are uncomfortable with. Plus, my almost 90 year old Nana drools heavily…so kissing her is an experience all in itself. (God, please spare me from the old age drooling. I’m lighting a candle now.)
Even though it has hurt some feelings, I tell my girls to lead with the cheek. Besides the obvious germ exchange, I think mouth kissing is just too much. Do we really need that kind of contact? Why does it have to be an all out slobber fest when people come together? And why are people’s feelings hurt if I choose NOT to kiss?
And is it just my warped family that does this?
If so, I’m calling my therapist and going into hiding.
love the post. I love kissing my little one on the mouth but am in total agreement re. mouth to mouth with the older kids. But what I really appreciate in your post is that you stress to your kids not to do something they aren’t comfortable with even if it may hurt someone’s feelings. We tend to want our kids to act a certain way around people — “say thankyou,” “give so & so a hug,” etc…. But I think it’s important that we don’t force our kids to do something just to please others.
Very sweet photo above!
I think I tasted a little bile in the back of my throat when I read this.
Seeing as how my family showed no PDA evah, because, you know, we’re supposed to KNOW that we’re loved and parents are for discipline and maybe a little love if there’s time … I decided when I was about 23 that hugs were going to be my thing.
So, after I got married and had The Wonder Boy, everything was hugs. And The Wonder Boy loved kisses. On the lips. Which was cool by me.
But by the time he got to kindergarten, I was lucky if I was allowed any physical contact with him. “Mom, I’m a big boy now, not in front of my friends.”
By high school it was, “Mom, can you just drop me off around the block and duck when you drive by the school?”
As an adult, however, he got back to hugs. All the time.
My daughters? Cheek kissers. No matter what age, kindergarten through high school. Kiss on the cheek. Hug goodbye. As adults the same.
Lip kissing is such an intimate thing. To me, and it’s probably because I’m strange, it is way more intimate than even doing the wild thing, the bump and grind, or whoopee!
Or maybe not.
My Dad started pulling this mouth kissing thing with me, and now I think he’s figured out the cheek action. I don’t know where he learned it, but he does it with all three of us kids, and I think we’re a little old.
My father in law won’t even let my 2 year old kiss him on the mouth. He makes Hudson kiss him on the cheek. He’s germ-a-phobe though. He woudln’t come to our wedding in Hawaii becuase he was scared he might get SARS on the airplane.
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I kiss my boys on the mouth - even the 12 year old still lets me. Don’t know why, because it’s not really a thing my side of the family does. We barely hug, let alone kiss. On the husband’s side, there are a few lip-kissers.
Gawsh, now I have something else to worry about, like at what age I have to tell them that most of the rest of the world is cheek kissers? ACK!
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My aunts and uncles were sloppy kissers so I always gave them the cheek. Ditto for mom and dad. I’ll keep my germs to myself and I don’t want anyone else’s.
Virtual kisses are always cheek kisses…
xo
LBC
Ladybug Crossing’s last blog post..Catchin’ up on Tuesday
I still kiss my kids on the mouth (they’re 6 and 9), but that will fade away on its own before long, I think.
As for the rest of the family, on either side? Eww. Makes me shudder, and gag.
Cheek, please–or air kiss, even better.
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Too funny…
I thought it was only my family that was weird that way, guess not?
My whole family was mouth kissers, grandparents, everyone , the whole sha-bang, and I feel your pain. Once I got older, I was totally uncomfortable with it, other than my parents, and now being older and I having my own children, I’m a little uncomfortable with that. I guess you just go through stages where your comfort level changes.
I do still kiss my boys on the mouth, and will until they don’t want me too. ( that might be coming soon with my oldest) But, I guess it’s all about what your comfort level is or your kids.
BTW…you just brought back memories of my Grandfather leaning in all puckered up.
Ewww….
My family doesn’t kiss at all…I’ve never even seen my father kiss my mother. Cripes, I had to force hugs on them the last time I saw them.
The Spouse Thingy’s family are huggers, and I like that. I used to kiss my son on the lips but stopped somewhere around 10 or 11. It wasn’t even a conscious decision, it just faded away, probably when he stopped letting me hug him before bedtime.
I don’t find familial lip kissing odd, though. People do what they do, and at least they do *something.*
My MIL tries to kiss me on the mouth and GAWD I think it’s gross. I always turn my head so she gets my cheek but sometimes she catches me anyway. Ick.
My side of the family kissed on the mouth until 2nd grade probably. Now we do the “kiss-on-the-cheek-as-you-hug” thing. It’s much better.
The Boy still kisses us on the mouth (he’s five), but I wouldn’t expect this to last much longer, and I CERTAINLY will NEVER kiss any of his girlfriends or wife ON THE MOUTH.
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I lip-kiss(ed) my kids until they aren’t comfortable with it. Kira (8) still lip-kisses me quite often, but Mark (12.5) does not, ever. I don’t remember exactly when that stopped, but it was probably about the same time that he stopped ever sleeping in Mommy’s bed. He cheek-kisses, though.
Adults in my family cheek-kiss, if at all.
This is a good question. I know that *I* feel weird seeing adults who are not in an intimate relationship lip-kiss. Not because I’m judging, but because I know that I would not be comfortable doing it if it was me. It would make me feel creepy. mk
markira’s last blog post..Dressed To Impress
To me a quick kiss on the lips is a sign of affection. Cheek kissing is less so and air kisses are for show and don’t mean a damn thing.
Our good friends kiss their adult boys on the mouth. Not my kind of fun! My family kisses on the cheek.
Smiling Mom’s last blog post..Fun on an Airplane
My whole family is mouth kissers.
My mom kisses me and my grown brothers on the mouth. Not like sloppy tongue or anything - but pucker to pucker.
I don’t kiss my brothers on the mouth though. I don’t think.
My kids are huge into mouth kissing too. Freaks the shit out of the in-laws. LOL
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Maybe it’s because I was raised in the North, where people are less demonstrative, but I’m not really comfortable kissing anybody other than my husband and my kids.
Hugging is easier for me, but that depends upon whom is doing the hugging. Of course I hug my kids and my husband, my parents and my sisters and her kids. But apart from them and very close personal friends, I don’t really condone hugging. I guess I’m just really a product of my regional upbringing.
Down here, everybody hugs everybody and it kind of skeeves me out when people I don’t know want to hug me. My FIL always kisses me, which is fine, but I always give him my cheek. My MIL has never tried to kiss me, but she kisses my boys on the cheek. The very first time I met them they hugged me like I was their long lost child, and it was a little weird for me.
That’s too funny! And you have two big fat family gatherings coming up soon that will surely include zillions of lip kisses. I’m practicing my puckering **smack** as I write this.
I’m gonna’ have to go with hugging. Well, outside of my husband and my kids. Frankly, I just don’t want someone’s lips on me…or ick….my lips touching their lips. So, I will hug, but a person will definitely get the bob and weave from me if they come in puckered.
On occasion, my daughter will give me a kiss on the mouth (she is about to turn five)…and that is cool with me. I’m sure it will fade away very soon, though.
mel from freak parade’s last blog post..Love Thursday
Grew up with mouth kissers, like you, but morphed into cheek-kissing with age. But now, actually, there are friends I see who, depending on how important of a friend they are, we do a mouth kiss when we see each other.
I mouth kiss my kids but as they get older, they’re not as forthcoming with the affection. It’s a cycle. My 12-year old son barely likes being in the same room as us, the most I can get is a hug out of him, but my other 3 will still kiss me. I’ll enjoy that affection while it lasts but I’m sure they’ll turn a cheek until they have their own kids.
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I definitely would be ducking and swerving. That kissing the family on the mouth thing would bother me.
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This is so funny. My husband’s family all kiss on the lips.
I have become very good at the bob and weave. Unless it’s my kids or my husbands, I’m a cheek girl.
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As long as there is no tongue!! My grandmother always kissed on the lips. My mother doesn’t, but I kiss my girls on the lips. I kiss my girlfriends on the lips too. Probably will forever.
Bean is two and she likes to change it up. Sometimes she tells you, “You can Kiss me here” and points to her cheek. Other days she insists on a pucker up.
Liberty is six and for the most part she is still a pucker up girl.
Alex, being nine, kisses the cheek unless he’s having a really ‘lovey’ moment and then you might get a pucker.
For me, it’s all about whatever you are comfortable with. I personally go for the cheek. The main reason behind that is my Grams. She drank beer (a lot) and smoked, plus she wore a LOT of lipstick. She insisted on the pucker. We always had to wipe away a beer scented smear after. *shiver*
Chris’s last blog post..Because my brother is just way cooler than I will ever be…
Dude!
There are members of my family that I would have to run out and get rabies testing if they kissed me on the mouth. Or leprosy. Or both.
ACK!
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I can’t remember what age the mouth kissing stops, but I do kiss my 4 year-old daughter on the lips (dry) and NOT my 9 and 11 year-old sons. They get the cheek treatment! Could be because they are stinky boys? I dunno.
I do prefer the way the Brits do it, one on each cheek to everyone! I love that!
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We are the hug and kiss on each cheek. You know the way Big Tony did family members before he wacked them, jk.
The idea of mouth kissing family members makes me quesy. I’m a germ phobe and the thought of cold sores (herpes) would put a cabosh on anyone wanting to kiss my child or me on the lips.
I come from a family of mouth kiss avoiders. However, my kids are 3 & 4 now and kissing them is just an everyday thing. As they get older, I’m sure we will shift to cheek kisses. My man is the only one who gets the MOUTH kisses. Hugs with a kiss on the cheek for everyone else. Although there are some hot mama bloggers…
Very funny on your soon-to-elope-with boyfriend.
JCK’s last blog post..I’m sure it does feel like a betrayal, and I am sorry…
I grew up kissing family on the cheek; parents got the privilege(?) of the mouth. My daughter is now three and very “aware” of her surroundings. Hubby and I ALWAYS kiss her on the cheek, but lately, she’s been kissing us on the mouth because she sees us doing it to each other. The first time she did it, it really caught me off guard. I continue to kiss her on the cheek though and now when I see it coming, I give her the cheek too. I think she’ll soon figure it out. She hasn’t asked about it…
I agree, for all the reasons you mentioned, that cheek kissing is best!
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My husband’s uncles always try to kiss me on the mouth, but I think they’re just pervs.
merseydotes’s last blog post..Car Seat Neurosis
My Mom still kisses me on the mouth to this day and I’m almost 32 years old. Granted, she only does it after she’s really pissed me off. The other members of my family get the side/cheek kiss.
I am NOT a hugger though - not one bit!! I hate to be hugged by anyone besides my kids or kids in general. I know, weird.
I grew up in a family of huggers, not kissers. My kids like to kiss on the lips and sometimes I just want hugs. Is that terrible? I mean, I do kiss them back and everything but I already am starting to ask for alternatives to lip kissing when I’ve reached my limit. I did kiss all over them when they were babies, though, and I’m sure that’s one reason why they are so affectionate.
Beautiful photo!
raehan’s last blog post..Self-Portraits 34 weeks
I tend to only kiss cheeks unless they are children. Then I just want to chew them up.
Once they hit puberty though, I spit em out, and start cheek kissing.
My kids know to turn the cheek.
Wink, wink.
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Maybe y’all could learn to do horror makeup and start putting some of those attractive “cold sores” around your mouths. You know the kind the ones that are gross and oozing.
{shivers up my spine} just thinking about it.
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This makes me so sad for the day I can’t just plant ones on my little ones’ lips. I am going to smooch my babies RIGHT NOW. And leading with the cheek and warm hugs are so wonderful. What make me giggle are the pointedly sideways hugs my teenage nephew gives grown women so as not to be pressed against their womenflesh. Hilarious.
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My family is the same way.
I will continue to kiss and be affectionate……..it is so much better then pure snobbery and or no kissing.
I so think we’re related!
My family is ALL mouth kissers. And when my sister-in-law came into the family, from her family that doesn’t even hug or show any emotion, she was feaked out by it.
I’m a cheek turner now too. It’s germs and it’s just kind of icky to me as an adult to be kissing my aunt on the lips.
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My husband’s family kisses on the mouth. My mother-in-law kisses my husband on the lips. She tries to kiss me on the mouth. I duck away. I used to allow it, but it just grosses me out and I had to put an end to it. But she still grabs my head in that death grip and tries to kiss my mouth, and it turns into a Mexican standoff until I can wrench my head enough to the side to avoid it. My family has never kissed liked that, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. But I kiss my baby smack on the mouth, all drool and gums. And I love it. And the way my husband’s family is, I’m sure that will continue through her adulthood, until I’m the one who’s all drool and gums. Ew, bro.
Ooh, I’m a big hypocrite about this. My husband’s family has some big mouth kissers. And some of them have whiskers. And when we were dating I asked him about it and he sort of shrugged, like “yeah, it’s gross, but what do you do?” And that he wasn’t taking a stand against the mouth kiss horrified me! And I asked him could he please not with the same mouth that kissed me, because COME ON!!
Now I have a two-year-old, and she loves the mouth kiss. And she still drools a lot. And sometimes she doesn’t even close her mouth when she goes in for your lips. And I still love it…
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Ha! Cool post. Growing up, my mom’s side of the family is Armenian, and they were kissy, on the lips, whatever. But my dad’s WASP side of the family was very hands-off. It was so bizarre dealing with each side and seeing the big differences.
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umm…are we long lost cousins?? cause my family is the kissiest bunch you ever did meet…
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Loved this enough to kiss you on the lips. If I didn’t think lip kissing was creepy. Oh hell, for you I’ll make an exception.
PS. This was featured on GoodMom/BadMom so get down with your bad self. http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2008/05/blog_round_up.html
Jennys last blog post..Disclaimer: this post is not really about being naked with donkeys
Hot Damn! I could kiss you
I kiss my baby girl on the lips. I kiss the ladies in my family on the lips. The men get the cheek, except my husband (of course)and my dad.
[...] of skeeves me out when …. Hubby and I ALWAYS kiss her on the cheek, but lately, she??s been …http://www.petroville.com/2008/04/15/on-the-mouth-please/When to I know to kiss her? Can anyone please help me on this? What …… be honest with her and [...]
I think it’s inappropriate at any age for a parent to kiss a child on the mouth. I agree with the one lady who said it’s an intimate thing, reserved for couples and partners. I find it really disgusting when seeing parents and siblings of the opposite sex kiss each other on the mouth.
I’d also like to add, the woman who wrote the article says she a reformed lip kisser, yet in the picture she is kissing her daughter on the mouth? Isn’t that a little hypocritical to say kissing on the mouth to “a certain age” is right? I’m not trying to be rude, but what is your child to think that one day you tell them it’s not appropriate, when just the day or month, or year before it was fine?