Two weeks ago, my mother brought her new boyfriend over to meet the family. They have been dating for about 6 months now and she seems really happy. Being that they are currently off on a cruise doing God knows what to each other *shudder*, I can now write about it. However, I may remove this post in a few days to avoid weird vibes - or worse, actually having to talk about it out loud.
Just when you think you’re all grown up, those sneaky feelings that you thought you left in the 5th grade scurry up the back of your leg and give you ants in your pants.
I was only worried about the logistics. It was Sunday and we had two new-to-us couples coming over for dinner. My uncle and his girlfriend and my mother and her boyfriend were on their way for an all out meet & greet in Petroville. The kids had been prepped as to who’s who and what not to say (the husband too), the house was clean and the food was pretty much set. What I wasn’t expecting was the weird wave of anxiety that swept over me as soon as my mother and her date arrived. To my defense, I think she brought it with her.
I’m totally cool with my 60 year old mother dating. Hell, I’d fix her up with my next door neighbor if I thought it would work out. I guess my problem is that I’ve been thinking about it all wrong. In my mind, I picture some guy looking very Sean Connery-ish swooping in and charming us all silly.
How could we not be thrilled to have Sean and Mom together? So strong, successful and confident…isn’t he just The Best?
Instead a very normal, could-be-anybody looking man enters my house with my mother and they were both clearly uncomfortable. Okay, maybe it was just my mother and I that were uncomfortable. I don’t really know how to read the new guy yet.
Well, now what?
I had an incredible urge to run out of the house. I could tell my mother was not going to relax until I showered her new beau with hospitality and acceptance and then pulled her into the bathroom to giggle like school girls about how thrilled I was for her. Instead, looking like I just peed my pants, the most I could do was offer him a drink.
Why, why, why?? Why was this making me feel so icky? What’s the big deal? I just want her to be happy, right? Why do I even have to be involved? And how old am I? Geez.
If my mom wasn’t desperately seeking my approval, things would have been much easier. I did the best I could to ignore the silent yearning in her eyes for me to bless her new union and went on with my hostess duties. I was nice. I was friendly - but I didn’t gush. I didn’t go overboard. I wasn’t at ease. I didn’t verbally offer future opportunities for us to all get together again. No invitations for Christmas were extended.
What’s the rush? Let’s just see how this plays out. What if he ends up dumping her? My approval will have only pushed her further into heartbreak. On the other hand, what if they end up getting married? Daddy #3?
After they left, I asked my husband what he thought of the new boyfriend. I pointed out what I perceived to be his, for lack of a better term, premature yet powerful “claim” to my mother. I totally expected my brutally honest husband to rip the guy to shreds. Surely, he was suspicious and got the heebie-jeebies too, right? Surprisingly, he had nothing negative to offer me.
Hmpt. Could it be that I’m the only one here who has a problem?
And how did that make you feel?
it’s so strange, because this is how i feel when my oldest daughter brings someone new home, it’s hard to know where to draw the line, how to be polite yet not gushing. if he makes your mom happy, there’s nothing wrong with him, enjoy sharing your mother’s happiness, you know she wants exactly the same for you.
better safe than sorry’s last blog post..Rhetorical Question
Hmmm…my mom has been widowed for 22 years and has never dated. I guess I could use my daughter as an example, though. I am instantly wary of new men. I want to know what their motives and objectives are and that it’s not “Just a good time”, if ya know what I mean.
Men take advantage of women of all ages, especially a vulnerable woman with no man in her life, so I automatically go into over-protective mode for women I’m close to.
annie’s last blog post..I Don’t Want Your Photograph
Yeah, this guy is just is a widower (only a year ago) and already is taking my mom on a cruise. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy but it was uncomfortable as hell meeting him. And my mom is so sweet - she just wants me to love her up about him. What do I say?
Yikes, Mom, don’t you think it’s weird that his wife just died and he’s already dating seriously?
No, Mom, I don’t think it’s “normal” for him to have given you his dead wife’s half used bottle of perfume.
No, that freaks me the hell out, actually…
I used to be this way with my sisters’ boyfriends. I never knew if being too friendly would be dorky and off-putting… and then there’s thinking… er, rather the NOT trying to think about the…umm, “God knows what”. AWKWARD!
Fortunately, my sisters have been dating their boyfriends for a while now, so we’re found other things to talk about.
I am with you especially about the perfume. That is wierd. I was already on alert about only dating six months and going on a cruise with him. Who is that woman who was never found who is suspected of being pushed overboard? Your mom is great and really sweet. I hope she finds someone of her quality.
You know, it really isn’t that abnormal for widowers (Especially that age) to get involved in other relationships rather quickly.
I don’t know that that would make me feel any better if it were my mom, but it is not uncommon.
The perfume thing, though?
Shudder…
Loralee’s last blog post..Good news? ANYONE??
My parents have been together 41 years, so I don’t have any experience in this, but it sounds like you have an open mind, this just isn’t the right guy.
Diane Mandy’s last blog post..Waste not, want not
I’m glad you have your mom’s happiness at heart and that you’re not too eager to give this guy the idea that you’re all happy as clams about his presence. It might not be a bad idea to keep him on his toes, knowing that you’re all watching out for mom’s best interest.
Hey! My Mom and her husband are on a cruise this week too. Did they go together?
My Dad remarried for the 3rd time when I was an adult, and I really like the woman he is married too. (Let’s just say I wasn’t a fan of #2.)
But in all fairness, I don’t live close to him, so he had been seeing her for over a year when we finally met. Much easier to deal with.
This won’t be comforting at all…
Every time my mom has dated a man that I got the creeps about, I turned out to be right. AND? There is something really odd about seeing your mom make googlie eyes at a regular joe schmoe looking guy.
I know that sounds wrong. I know. But.. um… ew….
Miss Britt’s last blog post..I need to up my Netflix
Great…Chrissy, the cop, is concerned. Now, I’m reeeaally worried.
My mom was a widow for 25 years, had an 11-year relationship that ended maybe 3 years ago. Last Feb, she signed up for Match.com (she made me take her photos), she met a man for coffee on a Friday and that Sunday she was jetting off to *one of* his properties in Florida. 8 months later, they tied the knot. I was my mother’s matron of honor!
Turns out, they knew of each other and had met professionally many years ago, but he was recently widowed and was just back on the dating scene. She is obviously soooooo happy and I love that. Frankly, she is “off my back” and otherwise distracted, which is all good. She was Independent Woman, and now she allows him to shower her with gifts and trips and attention and they look at each other like it’s their first crush! Which, I agree with you, should be simply wonderful, yet is somehow a bit unsettling. It’s uncharted territory. I have a STEPDAD, and step-siblings and am a step-aunt. Are we supposed to be convening for holidays? Exchanging emails? Vacationing together? I feel like it could be time to make new traditions, but part of me feels it will only complicate things.
Anyway, we had that very same dinner experience last spring. It was awkward, I drank too much, but everyone seemed to enjoy it. He’s a good man, he takes good care of my mom, she’s happy, so it’s wonderful. But yeah - he looks like the Everyman. In fact - he could really pass for one of my relatives, even for one of my mom’s brothers. Strangest thing!!
As someone who has been through the parents dating and bringing dates “home” to meet the kids, I think you did nothing wrong and everything right. I believe the owness rests on the DATE, not the kid, to go overboard with enthusiasm and efforts to win *you* over. As long as you are polite and kind (gosh, you hosted him at your home on a weekend night) you did your job, and a good one at that.
Hopefully he reveals his inner Sean soon!
Jessica’s last blog post..Carpet Cleaning - A Mom’s Fantasy Come True
I wish I could have been there with a drink in each hand! I could have gushed over you mother’s beau and you could have gushed over my father’s special lady friend.
Egads. What’s your take on her?
WHEN CAN WE TALK?
Meredith’s last blog post..Uruma Area Park
Hi. First time posting here…i just had to put in my part about meeting ‘the new boyfriend’
Last Friday was my stepson’s 7th birthday and his mother wanted to be a part of the birthday dinner we were doing for him (her family is really into the “day of” celebration!), i don’t particularly like hanging out with her, but i made myself okay with it because it was her son’s birthday. Now, i was okay with it until she called the day of and asked if she could bring her new boyfriend!
first - reading your account of how awkward it is for an adult child to meet new boyfriends i cannot imagine how confused her two little boys are with mommies dating habits! The two of them are a little confused about the role of a boyfriend/fiance/dad/stepdad, and with their young age they get their heart broken everytime she brakes up with a guy because she makes the guy so much a part of the boys lives…
Second - I was so mad that she had to bring a date to our house, again. It is always awkward enough just having her there…then she brings these guys to our house, and i am always so uncomfortable. My husband doesn’t like it either, but he would prefer to meet the guys that she is dating because he knows how much she has her boyfriend hang out with his children…so he wants to see what the guy is like…
I am not the most social person, and have a hard time being a good hostess with people i like! I don’t know what it would be like to see my parents dating other people…but i couldn’t imagine it being any less awkward then what i have to go through with my stepkid’s mom…
Krista’s last blog post..…