Yesterday my girlfriend requested some moral support as she sat down for her first tattoo. While our kids lounged in the waiting room, bodies and minds being corrupted by Burger King and nekkid lady sketches resembling grotesque mud flaps, my pal got her butterfly for life.

This friend of mine, SusieQ, is a writer. She’s one of those women you see that’s blessed with boundless energy, has her hands in a million and one projects, is always cheerful, always smiling and never EVER sitting still.

Here you see Miss Suz about to jump out of her ever lovin’ skin just waiting to have the image drawn on to her shoulder for final approval. Can you feel her twitching?

Side note for those of you that were told, like me, that turning your blog into a book is a pipe dream: A couple of years ago, Susie wrote her first book and later began putting excerpts from it on her blog. An agent discovered said blog and within the year a little publisher called Penguin (heard of them?) picked it up. Her book hits the shelves in 2008. Yeah. Lovin’ that pipe.

So back to yesterday…

Miss Suzy has a first name. It’s H-Y-P-E-R. Seriously though, high levels of spazz did not seem welcome in this tough guy world of tat and I could tell by looking at her that my dear Suz was just beginning her nervous and pacing wind up.

Going in, Susie still wasn’t sure if she wanted the tattoo on her hip or on her shoulder. That was part of the reason I was there – to help her decide. Being that I have mine on my shoulder, I could tell her for a fact that there wasn’t much pain involved in putting it there. However, in my opinion, that same sensation would rock the freaking casba of ouch if it were put on my hip. And being that she has nary a lick of meat on her entire body, the hip tat would really kill.

Susie was in a frantic state with excitement and nerves. When she gets nervous, she talks even more than normal which likens her to someone with a condition that prevents clear thought and censoring. I was there with her for moral support but I quickly became the translator.

Tattoo Tech (TT): Alright, try to be really still while I transfer the image on to your shoulder. I need to make sure it’s centered.
Suz: Is this going to hurt? Are you using the needle? Are you going to talk to me while you do this?
Me: No, no, he’s just rubbing the paper on your shoulder. Relax. This isn’t it yet.
TT: (breaks out in smile that rarely sees the sun) Jesus…Is she always like this? (to me) She’s not moving…she’s like vibrating.
Me: Yeah, that’s normal.

Here she is checking out her drawing in the mirror. She then decided that she wanted it a little to the right. Bad idea. TT didn’t want to hear it. He’s an artist, you see. Susie succumbed to his creative persuasion and the actual inkage was about to begin.

All of the noise in the room and possibly the entire world stopped as the needle made it’s first pass from the ink table towards her shoulder. I held my breath. I didn’t know what was going to happen. A scream. A whimper. A big puff of smoke.

But it was okay. Susie was hanging tough…that is until the argument began.

Suz: Oh yeah, I’m totally feeling this. I’m so glad I decided on the shoulder instead of the hip. This is going to look so good!
TT: That’s what I was trying to tell you when you came in last week but you didn’t want to listen to me.
Suz: Well, I just wasn’t sure then but then my friend Kim convinced me that the shoulder was better.
TT: Yeah, well, that’s what I told you too. You really didn’t have to go and have a conversation with my boss about it. You made me look bad.

The conversation continued to heat up as he’s tattooing her back. (He has a needle scraping ink into her skin and they want to argue?? Once again in life, I find myself looking around for the hidden camera.)

Me: (always the antagonist) Did you get him in trouble with his boss?
Suz: Oh my God! Did I get you in trouble? I was only trying to decide where I wanted it. I wasn’t trying to say anything bad against you. Oh no, I feel…
TT: Hold still.
Suz: Sorry.
TT: Yeah, it’s fine. It’s just that I’ve been doing this a long time and I don’t need any crap. (somehow that came off as sensitive)
Suz: I’m really sorry. I’ll talk to your boss as soon as we’re done here and get this all straightened out.
TT: NO! (needle comes up from skin – thank God) Just leave it alone and please, for Christ’s sake, sit still.
Me: Yeah, um, it’s probably not a good idea to argue with the tattoo guy while he’s tattooing you, Suz.

TT must thrive off of drama as he draws or maybe the pain he was inflicting justified him for whatever rebuking he got handed from his boss. I don’t know but it worked out to be a win, win situation. For Suz, she walked out with a beautiful butterfly that will always keep her company. For TT, she walked out…and he still had 2 aspirin in his car.

Moral of the story? You tell me.

*You can also find Suz freshly inked @ her daily blog called Something to Bitch About*

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