Over the weekend, I took a 7 hour CPR course at the hospital. Do I think that makes me cooler? Yes, I do.
Just my luck, I was the very first to arrive with coffee in hand and eyes severely puffed from being up so early on a freaking Saturday. When I walked in, I recognized the instructor right away – Pam the Red Cross swimming teacher that cured my youngest of her Fear of the Wet Hair. She pretended to remember me too.
I liked Pam. She’s a no-nonsense grandmotherly type who knows her stuff, demands respect and has a very soft bosom (not that I tried it out but I did see her in a bathing suit every Saturday for 6 weeks).
Pam liked me as well. How do I know this? Well, she pick me to be Non-responsive girl in all of her scenarios.
“K, lie on the floor face down and try not to breathe.”
“K, pretend to be choking.”
I had no problem being the dummy model. Actually, I think I played my parts very well. I did, however, have trouble with Crackhead.
Pam said that after a brief movie segment, we would learn how to turn a person over and check for signs of life. When she mentioned the word “partner”, my whole body began to sweat.
There were 8 of us in the class. One of the ladies was a scrawny, smelly, trucker-wanna-be that sounded like a man from years of excessive smoking and God knows what else. I was scared to death of her. Not afraid of her personally – afraid that she would have to be my partner. I have just that kind of luck and I was getting paranoid.
“K, try not to gag as Crackhead, who just went out during the break to score some H and smoke a cigar, positions you for 2 rescue breaths. Lie still now…”
Oh, no way in hell, Pammy.
“You have got to be kidding. No one said anything about anyone touching me! I know I’m going to end up being Crackhead’s partner…I just know it!”, I thought to myself as I bit my nails. I was really getting freaked out. I mean, I have germ and smell issues. This was not good!
The next thing I knew, the movie was over and I was standing up shouting across the room to the only normal looking unattached woman present, “Hey there, would you like to be my partner?” I totally didn’t care that everyone was looking at me sideways due to my volume level and I was so relieved when the normal woman awkwardly said yes. I was even more relieved when I realized how much we actually had to touch each other. Holy crap! They really should warn a person. I thought I’d only be laying hands on a dummy and I really should not have worn the low rise jeans. There’s another crack joke lying in wait here but I’ll let you have it.
Yes, that information would have been helpful.
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HEEHEE, you got the ghetto CPR class.
:giggle:
Jes’ kiddin’. I’ve been lucky enough to get dummies (no, I don’t mean my ex boyfriends) to use…and the film always grosses me out a little.
When I was a hotel GM, we had to ALWAYS be certified.
But those groovy little travel-size defibrillators are AWESOME.
Ewww. Boogery Hair Dresser and Ashtray Truck Driver all in one weekend? You need a vacation!
You shoulda checked in with me first. I would have told you that it’s ESSENTIAL to sign up for those classes with a friend but NOT with one of your husband’s buddies like I did, because, ewwww, weird.
:giggle: @ Miz S
I haven’t been certified in years. And now I think I’ll wait a few more, thankyouverymuch. Let me know when you’re up for re-certification and I’ll be your buddy.
ROFL! Ya’d thnk they’d have a warning on those flyers:
Please be aware that serious and prolonged groping, touching, and mouth to mouth combat may occur.
I tell ya ;-)
I don’t know about that class you took. I get certified and recertified every other year and never had to touch a person. I was always told about some lawsuit involving some injury someone sustained during cpr scenarios so they only use dummies which is just fine with me. So what the secret to curing child with fear of wet hair? I am going through that now.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I think I may have left, thinkin maybe it wasn’t worth it! LOL
You brought back memories of college judo class. Did you know judo involves a lot of wrestling moves? I didn’t, either! On the first day we had to pair off. There was this weird dude from our dorm we called Corn Man (long story) who smelled and was hairy…Of course he was in my class. Of course we got stuck as a pair. And of course I let myself be pinned in record time so I could get out from under….ugh…him.
One class was enough for me.
Um, no. Sitting next to the smelly freaky people is quite enough. Touching is out of the question. Besides, if you touch them they become people and it’s sooo much harder to be snarky about real people.
Oh GOD, NO! Touching? I would have freaked.
Did you have to fing the rib bone on a real person? No! I could not have done it.
We had “Ressuss-i-Annie”, as if I didn’t get enough jokes about that.
You know that it will be your luck from now on that EVERY time you have to perform CPR…which will be a lot now, it will be to someone like this!
not sure what I would have done… maybe gone into the hallway and popped a valium… holy she-ite batman… touching other people for real? uh-uh, not me! My CPR classes are always with dummies, thank God!
Ew Ew Ew
You might get some awful people you have to revive!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL!!!
Only you! Next time ask me to go to the class with you, silly!
LBC
OH EWWWWW! You poor thing. No no, stay over there, I’ll console you from here.