Dear Mom,
As a child, we seldom realize how much our actions effect our parents. Growing up, I knew that I was being difficult during certain stages of my life but I had no idea how it felt to be the mother in that situation. None of us quite understand that feeling until we are hit with it when our child becomes the nasty girl we recognize as our long ago selves.
I can’t say why I treated you badly back then. I don’t know why I didn’t include you or made you wait in the car. I don’t know why your feelings weren’t more important than my stupid friends that I no longer know. I don’t know why I didn’t thank you more often. It really makes no sense at all to me now.
You went to a lot of trouble to make me happy and tried to give me everything you could. I know I should have been a better daughter. For that and so much more, Mom, I am sorry.
I am now the sad owner of that ugly feeling I threw in your lap on way too many occasions during my adolescence.
Who was it that shopped all day with her for a dress and matching shoes? Who was it that took her to get her nails done and picked up her favorite dinner while she was being pampered? Who fussed over her hair until it was perfect and let her borrow the good pearls ?
Who wanted just one single solitary picture of her daughter looking like a princess standing at the top of the staircase at her very first ball?
I did.
As I watched my daughter scurry away with her friends without even a word or a glance in my direction, I understood. As I walked through the cold to my car with tears welling up in my eyes, all I could think of was you. I wanted to call and apologize for all of the times that I made you feel like I was feeling right then. I didn’t because I knew I would not be able to get the words out without sobbing.
You deserved better, Mom, and it would not have been so hard to give it. I’m sorry.
Love,
Me
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Thanks for making me cry at WORK! I just recently apologized to my mother for something similar. It makes my heart hurt.
You are living my life!
I believe my mother calls this type of thing “Karma”.
I am sorry. Well from what I can see in the picture, she sure looked cute~~
I feel the same way. I was so horrible to my mom sometimes. Now I have a daughter and I dread the day that she does that to me. It will come though. It is only natural and part of growing up and independent I guess.
One day when your daughter has children she will remember her great mom, just like you did.
How well put. There are tears in my eyes. The only thing we can realize in order to comfort ourselves is that we were ALL punky brats as kids.
Your daughter will have her day. And I hope she does call you as she walks across that parking lot.
You KNOW I know the pain you are feeling. I am grateful that our love was strong enough to ride those rough waves. I used to laugh when I thought of the possibility that you might have a daughter just like yourself – what true ‘payment’. But I don’t wish that for you now and think maybe it’s still early enough to turn the tide on your communication. You have better skills at this than I ever did – I was the mother of perpetual internalization! Get in her face everytime she shows this side because there is a very caring, sensitive person inside that moody shell – we all know it.
Remember, sweetie, that I consider myself extremely blessed by our relationship. Puberty is a test for parents as well as kids – it’s a tough time. I can’t count the number of times I have told other parents to have patience, keep close, and wait it out because the rewards will come! We are living proof.
Apology accepted – put it behind you and go that daughter of yours a big hug ….whether she wants it or not! (She wants it!)
My mom used to tell me that I wold have a daughter just like myself one day….Now that I’m a mom with a daughter I am scared ut of my mind!
Teenagers are so worried about what others are thinking of them that they seldom think of others. I was guilty of it too and regret lots of things I did to make other feel rotten. But mothers are an understanding group.
Oh my gosh. I feel for you, I really do. My heart breaks even now thinking that Baby will one day act just like my teenagers!
Hang in there.
I don’t know if I can apologize to my mom…after she and my step dad dropped me off to sixth grade, hanging out of the car with the video camera and screaming “Turn around and wave!”. I kid you not.
It’s killing me to stand in the wings and watch as my two grow up and become independant. Every day I look at them and they’ve changed somehow.
You STINKER! You made me cry, and I’m WORKING! *hugs*
I have those thoughts. every. single. day.
Why does adolescence have to be the ugliest part of our lives?
I have tears in my eyes. I can feel your pain so clearly. Take your mother’s advice and get in her face. Tell her how you feel and settle this thing now before it grows bigger with each coming event.
OMG, now I’m sobbing. Even though I’m not a Mom – yet, I know how hard we can be as teenagers to our parents. I feel badly about rolling my eyes every time my Dad spoke to me or yelling at my Mom for embarassing me in front of my friends. Now, they’re my best friends and I can’t imagine this world without them or their love. It’s a true testament to love a teeenager! The good news is that sooner rather than later, she’ll run to you for comfort. Moms always know how to mend a broken heart, make chicken noodle soup when we’re sick and love us no matter what.
Oh man, was I a difficult teenager. The idea that my daughter would be even HALF as horrible as I was gives me the chills. I don’t even want to think about it……
Well, if it’s any comfort, they can be nice to their grandmother when they’re in their teens, and someday you will be that grandmother. They just have to do this break-with-mommy-so-I-can-be-my-own-self thing. They HAVE to do it. They just don’t have the maturity or the self-knowledge to explain it. You know those commercials: “Mom, Dad, we’ve been best friends but that’s about to change…”. They’re true. But as personal as it seems, it isn’t really personal. You are an object standing between them and independence, and they have to fight and conquer the object. Unfotunately, it takes years and a lot of tears on both sides to get there. I don’t mean to suggest that you should give up authority, only that you should try to take the long view and realize she still loves you, even when she’s fighting you tooth and nail.
And yes, from what little we can see, she did look adorable.
Oh wow…I really needed to read this having had a GINORMOUS row with my 17 yr old
aliendaughter last night/this morning. I swear, sometimes it’s all you can do to keep from strangling them. I hate this part of her “growth” and I almost can’t wait for it to be over so we can be friends again.We all would realise later there are things in life we have done wrong earlier.
Wah!
As long as you can keep in mind that you didn’t MEAN to hurt your mom…and neither does your daughter MEAN to hurt you. Does that make it easier?
I didn’t think so.
I wish I could say that to my mom too…directly with words. Why is it so hard???
thanks for a beautiful post, it brought tears to my eyes because it is so true… :thanku:
If she is anything like me, your daughter will probably be a self-centered brat until her mid-20s, when the enormity of everything you have done for her will suddenly come crashing down on her and she will be stunned and breathless at how much you loved her.
This may happen sooner if she has children early.
Just today, I was blown away by my 80-year-old mom (I am 45). She was recalling a time when my baby skin was chapped and she put a lotion on that disagreed with me and I screamed…I could see that the pain was as fresh for her today as it was 40 years ago. THAT’s real Momma-love, and you bet I appreciate it and every minute I have left with her.
And to think my poor mother had to put up with FOUR teenage daughters–not to mention two sons.
I know what you’re going through. I really, really, really do. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have cried.
I love how close you are with your mom.
What a cute blog! This is my first visit and your post was so inspiring!
Please feel free to stop by my blog and say hello as well!
Let me explain what I meant by inspiring too…it really should inspire each of us who still has our moms around to just call them up and say I Love Ya Mom! Mothers are wonderful and too often taken for granted…you have reminded us of how wonderful moms are in this post!
Oh my goodness, I’m wiping the tears away. I don’t even have kids yet as I got older I realized how nasty I was to my mom at times and wondered how on Earth she still loved me. That was an absolutely fabulous post.
That was so well written – just beautiful. I was that teenaged daughter, and I’m sure that I’ll be the mother of that teenaged daughter (actually 2
). I wonder often how that bridge can be gapped; how that cycle can be broken. It’s such a tough spot to be in, especially when there are no answers! I hope you all are able to find some common ground!
I’m going to call my mom RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Thank you.
Really very heart-wrenching writing! Thanks for writing it. Beautiful site too, did you design it yourself?
BG
Now I know why I hadn’t heard about the ball…. #1 did the same thing – 2 years in a row now…
She, on the other hand, simply rolled her eyes and gave me dirty looks – after the 2nd roll… She may have had a point, but really – we live for this stuff…
xo
LBC
I was the same way to my mother. I would not have silently put up with my crap and ungratefulness as she did. Or maybe I will. I guess we’ll see.
Lovely. Touching and lovely.
[...] Suburban Turmoil awarded Petroville Dancing Through awarded Chicky Chicky Baby Surrender Dorothy awarded The Leery Polyp Local Girl awarded Tiggerprr’s Scratching Post Waking Up awarded Living Life and Catching Light Ladybug Crossing awarded The Sound of Muzik Old Horsetail Snake awarded What Was I Thinking? Never That Easy awarded Suburban Bliss Toddled Dredge and Queen of Drama awarded All Rileyed Up Mamacita awarded Pastor Jeff Fireflies and Frogs awarded A Day in the Life of Veronika Notes from the Trenches awarded Jurgen Nation The Fat Lady Sings awarded Dharma Bums Chilihead awarded Pass the Torch Scribbit awarded One Plus Two Two Okapis awarded Flagrant Disregard Masked Mom awarded Take a Picture… It Lasts Longer One Plus Two awarded Under the Mad Hat Margalit awarded The Refrigerator Door Miss Cellania awarded It Occurred To Me Girl Con Queso awarded Mom 101 Something Baby Blue awarded Stolen Moments Petroville awarded Antique Mommy ♥ Please let me know if you’d like to be on the Presenters List for January ♥ [...]
Thank goodness I have a boy!!
Hm. Not sure why my comment didn’t show up.
I was just saying that I am glad I have a boy. Having a daughter like me would be inconceiveable!!
I am NOT looking forward to Leah getting older. and now if you will excuse me, I have to tally up all the things I have to apologize to my mom for and call her tomorrow.
Wonderful post! I’m going to send it to my mom! I have called my parents more times than they can count to apologize for my past behavior! They usually laugh because I’m getting my just deserts……….. But now I tell my kids that one day they will be calling to apologize to us for their behavior, lol. They don’t believe me, but they will. They will.
God bless,
qtpies7
http://qtpies7.blogspot.com
Beautifully written.
(And moms understand. They did it to their mothers too.)
I found this post through the perfect post awards…and it was well deserved.
I just hope your daughter reads that letter!
Another crier here. I have two sixteen month old girls. Is this my future? If so, I think I’ll call my mom tonight.
truly a perfect post. as a matter of fact, I’m sending the permalink to my mom right now…
[...] Becoming a mother is everything that everyone describes to you, and nothing at all, because no words could have prepared me for the way I feel. It makes me think about my mom all the time, and the sacrifices she has made to make me the person that I am today. If it is even possible, it will make you love your mom and KNOW your mom even more than you did already. Here is a perfect post that brought me to tears from Petroville. It is a lot about sacrifice and becoming a less selfish person, but it is so worth it. On the days when I want to throw in the towel or pack a little bag and run away, all it takes is a little giggle or a surprise peck on the cheek from a Bean to make it all go away. Yesterday I was having a miserable day and by the end of it, nothing else mattered in the world but the fact that these girls loved me. Me!?!? (Check out the video of M to see what had me in stiches last night). And here’s another thing. They are everything that is good about me and J combined. It’s not just that I have children, but that I have his children that make it even more powerful. You will likely want to strangle Mr. C several times during parenthood and you’ll be more stressed, poor and at your wits end than you were before, but it all makes no difference in the end. You two made this perfect little baby and it will make your love so much stronger. [...]
Wow! That really is a perfect post… Congratulations!
Aa. Nice post. My mom died last March, and I would give anything to be able to say those words to her. As my own daughter grows up, with every new stage and its challenges and rewards, I find memories coming out that I didn’t know I had, and I want nothing so much as to call her up and tell her/ask her about/share them with her. Just one phone call would be so nice . . . anyone know the number of the Beyond . . .?
Oh, what an amazing post! *sniff*
This is why I don’t want to have children. I am so sad for you and for all mothers who have had to endure this. I should go call my mom now.