Last night I almost ran from my kitchen, my guests and out of my front door in a screaming, sweaty panic. Why, you ask? Why? Well, of course, I’ll tell you.
I was about to serve the meal from hell…
Let me explain. A few weeks ago, my mother sent me an article about a woman - a chef- who goes into people’s homes and cooks a week’s worth of meals for them. The people, who obviously lead very busy lives like myself, freeze the gourmet meals and then just pop them out for some fine fuss-free dining at home.
My mother and I both thought this would be a wonderful idea for these two weeks when I have a house full of company. So I called, the chef came, she cooked, we froze and I felt very organized and relaxed.
That was last week. Now fast-forward to last night when I was in a bit of a stressful mood because we were having a couple over for dinner in addition to my cousin and her sweet family (who are no stress at all - just for the record). This couple flew into town just to have dinner with us (which I did not know) and expected a big to-do (or at least bigger than I was able to give considering all I wanted to do was squeeze baby cheeks).
Everything was going fairly well. I served up some small talk, cheese, crackers and wine and then got busy in the kitchen. I prepped a salad and heated up my phony homemade creation - all the while thinking how brilliant I was. Slowly, my guests migrated into the kitchen to check out the yummy smells of rolls baking and sauce simmering. They all ended up around the island chatting while I stirred and drained and chopped.
“No, no, no. I don’t need any help. It’s almost ready.”
And then I tasted it.
And it tasted like pure dogshit.
And they were all there around my kitchen island.
Looking at me.
Hungry.
It was then that I almost ran with sweat rings under my arms - but I didn’t. I was a deer caught in the headlights of their mouth-watering glares. So I served it up with a fake smile that matched my fake cooking skills and tried to figure out how I had wronged the karma kitchen gods.
During dinner my sweating continued as the guests fiddled with their entrees and concentrated on their salads. They commented on the rolls and the weather but no one mentioned the mess of pasta and sauce in front of them. I had a hard time focusing on the conversation as I was preoccupied with what I was doing to their insides and what they would say about it afterwards in private.
I should have come clean. I know I should have but I just couldn’t. I should have told them that as bad of a cook as I am, I could never make something so heinous. I’m just not that talented. Instead, we all suffered.
My mother thinks I should call the chef and get my money back. My husband thinks I should give the other 5 meals I have in the freezer to the poor. I don’t know what I think because I am not yet over the embarrassment of the evening.
God …or something…will get you for it.
…and that is what you get for being a mere mortal…
ha ha ha.
I love it. Bad cooking gourmet style. Or maybe, it was just really really good, but you don’t have the gourmet chef palatte to have realized it…
I am feeling for you. Hilarious, but I’m feeling for you. But lets face it, one bad dinner ne’er a true friendship ruined.
Unless poison is involved.
HA! That’s horrible. Wow. I don’t know what I would have done.
I would certainly demand my money back! You paid for EDIBLE food.
Hey, at least you won’t have to worry about anyone coming back for dinner any time soon. LOL
I have often wondered about those services. I do have a question, while she was there cooking, could you taste the food?
I would definately call her back in and ask for my money back.
This would be an interesting case for Judge Judy!
OMG!! Next time call Mr. Bug and he can tell you how to doctor it up to make it taste like something… or at least we can run you over some home-made sauce and a package of spaghetti!!
I’m so sorry that happened to you! You poor thing!
xo
LBC
I’m sorry, but I laughed.
UGH! :duh: I honestly dont know what I would have done! I think you handled it fine. Maybe next time they’ll offer to TAKE YOU OUT! hehehe
You are funny, lady. :rofl:
I’m feeling your pain, I’m loaded with sympathy, but pardon me if I also laugh pretty hard. It IS funny, you know, for those of us who didn’t have to live through it.
Guess I have no pride. I would have admitted that my sample taste concluded that it was pure yuck and substituted with a pizza or something.
But that’s just me probably. Sorry that happened.
I definitely think you should call the chef. You didn’t pay $$ to eat dogshit.
I would have ‘fessed up and ordered pizza. Actually, I’ve done that before. But it was only me and my kids. I decided to try something new. I tasted it, and it tasted so bad, I wasn’t going to make them eat it, much less eat it myself.
Hey … just mention in passing … oh yeah. That pasta dish… wasn’t mine. I found it outside. And then be done with it.
I can’t believe it tasted awful, and I would darn well ask for my money back on that one! Yuck.
I mean … you can take credit where credit is due (even if it is bad credit), but I would NOT pass that off as my own.
Good luck on that one!
I’m the type who always freely admits almost anything–like never cleaning, and coloring my hair, and hating to cook. So I’d probably have already been bragging about how smart I was to hire this service. Then I’d have tasted it, asked someone else to try it in case it was just me, pitched it in the trash and called Domino’s. I’m a bit of a picky eater, so I’d have probably insisted on tasting things before they took up valuable freezer space. If you haven’t tasted the others, I’d try at least one more (with no company) before demanding my money back.
Thanks for the good laugh. I needed that. Sounds like something that would happen to me.
LOL! and what a nightmare! That is exactly something that I would have done, except everyone would have know that’s what I did because I don’t like to cook!
I’d save a bite and make that “chef” eat it!
let’s make that “would have known” instead of “know”
I have got to start paying attention to what I write! :duh:
Oh yeah… money back! Or at least a whole slew of free pizzas.
I’ve considered using one of those services & even know of someone who does that as a business.
Someone screwed up, and it wasn’t you!
I think I would write a letter to her and let her know how bad it was. Thanks for the warning, sorry you learned this lesson. I think I would tell them even now or copy them on the letter to the “chef”.
I was just wondering, what are you gonna get the next time you go to their place? That is a scary thought.
I am so sorry this happened to you! You poor kid. But I hope you that sting of embarassment go, because what is important is that you hosted and you recieved them into your home with warmth. If I had been your guest, I would not have minded at all, especially if you had blesssed me with a delicious salad and something refreshing to drink.
I agree, at least call her up and tell her that the meal was horrifying. She’ll probably offer to try to do something to make it right. Afterall, this is her business and she has a lot to lose with dissatisfied customers.
Too freakin hilarious! You are such a great writer…I felt your pain girl, I felt your PAIN.
I shall remember your lesson. I too thought that might be a good idea but your experience has changed my mind on that one. :rofl:
Ooh, I feel for you. What a nightmare! You make it sound hilarious, though. Surely it wasn’t as bad as it sounds!
OMG! I don’t know what I would have done…crazy!
Why didn’t you call me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Oh that is AWFUL Momma K! I would get my money back though…
Good job you wern’t cooking for a restaurant full of people!
MommaK, you are invited to the Enterprise Christmas Party, due to start week commencing Monday 4th December.
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I would have been sweating, too. But I agree with Marie - better takeout pizza than dogpoo.
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