This morning daughter came out to the kitchen wearing a shirt that she helped herself to from my closet.
Is that my shirt?
Yes.
Oh.
And that was that.
I guess you would have to know my daughter to appreciate the fact that I don’t give a lick if she shops in my closet. I’m fine with it because she’s bright, modest, considerate, kind of a quiet-shy-nose-in-a-book type and *dun DUN dun duuuuun* her hormones just woke up and saluted. My goal is to make this transition to tweenhood as easy on both of us as possible.
I understand and am young enough (thank the Lord above) to still remember what this awakening feels like. I was much younger when my hormones perked up but we’re not talking about me here. I had issues. My daughter was a totally different girl just weeks ago. Now, with one month of middle school under her belt, she’s wearing concealer on her nose due to little pink pimples that have taken up residence there, she’s asked about shaving her legs and now wears a training bra every day. She is all of a sudden very into shoes and since we wear the same size, I’ve been stocking up. Heh. She needs. I need. We all need good shoes.
There have been mood swings and days where whatever seems to be wrong with her (which is really hard to figure out) is all my fault. There have been tears. Ugh. The worst was when she told me that some kid was making fun of her because she had a big pimple on her nose. (It was not at all big but on her fair, porcelain skin any tiny flaw stands out.) There have been huge dilemmas about outfits for school dances and cool shoes for cotillion (I got them at Payless - as it turns out THAT is not cool.)
Luckily, nothing has really been said about boys yet but I know it’s coming. At her age, I had like a million boyfriends by then (issues, remember? ) so I guess I can be glad she’s moving at a much slower pace than her mother. With boys on the horizon, and pimples & boobies percolating, it seems to be the right time to have the talk with her. You know - THE talk. Not about her period - she knows all of that stuff - about sex. Sex, sex, sex…..
I’m at a loss here. I think I got my birds & the bees talk when I spied my cat doing it doggie style in my backyard. Mom had to tell me something with all that meeeYOWing going on. So she did and as I recall, I already knew most of it. I wonder if my daughter will too.
My baby is growing up! I need to deal with that fact and just do the deed. Maybe I should put a sticky note on her soccer ball like in those drug ads on TV.
“We need to talk. Just say no.” Hey…It might work.
Have you had it with your kids? Any tips you’d like to pass along to a novice?
Okay…I’m begging.
*For the record, I do not expect her to use this knowledge for at least 10 years - over my dead body.*
Oh yes, we’ve had the talk here. It was really interesting to say the least.
heh.
(No, I’m not tellin’. Not here. Noway.)
Ah, your daughter is growing up! The Talk is a fact of life (no pun intended). It’s something all parents have to face.
I have had the talk with my Carlotta too. She needed it so bad as it was less than a few weeks before she was assaulted at the school by a little punk I hope to beat into a pulp. Everyone has an idea of what they hope their daughter’s first kiss will be. That was so not it.
Anyway, the moodiness I solved with a bag of Dove miniatures on call and an introduction to MIDOL. It only takes one, not the whole bag. We also go on walks together and I let her hang out in the jacuzzi tub when she needs some private time. I also introduced her to candlelight and Josh Groban music, especially with the bubble bath.
Good luck.
It’s so sweet that you are going into this change with an understanding mindset. I have no idea what advice to give regarding The Talk. I guess I would try to be just honest. That’s how my mother was with me when I was 9 and saw a horse doing it on the discovery chanel.
I know, don’t ask
I am 34 and still waiting for my mom to have “the talk” with me. I think my parents just assumed we knew it all.
I did not get “the talk” from my mother. I watched those movies at school but they didn’t explain what I wanted to know. So I found out what I wanted to know - at a fairly early age, not that long after my training bra - from a boy down the street who already knew it all. I found out about sex by having sex.
Believe me, this is not the way you want your little girl to go. Talk, show, buy books, have openness…please. Ignorance didn’t do me any good and put me in a lot of danger. I would not wish my experiences on anyone.
I love your outlook. I love that she can take your clothes. She is a lucky girl to have a mom like you. You will both make it through the teen years just fine, I can tell.
There was never one day for “the talk.” We did it as we went along…as much as they asked from a very young age.
We kind of played it by ear and I got a cute little book which he got at an early age. He was in 7th grade when condoms were handed out …at school! (a European one, have to point this out), so I felt we had to focus on the sentimental part of it rather than the procedures…
We’ve had many talks. We have many books. (I’ll show them to you sometime if you’d like.) I leave them around and am available to answer any questions.
I’m thinking LLB won’t be shopping in my closet - I’m no where as hip as you are!! Maybe you can be my What Not To Wear person and make me hip so LLB will want to shop in my closet…
:-)
I never was given “The Talk”. I was expected to just know. I answer my girls questions along the way and there never has been one BIG talk.
I love this new template. Just beautiful. It’s like the mountains - Fall has come to Virginia! (And, boy, am I glad to be home in the middle of it!)
Ok. Guess what? I NEVER received the B&B talk. Never. My mother and sister were shopping the day I was graced with my womanhood, and I was only NINE years old. So I got that talk, but I never got the “other” talk.
I am trying to decide when to approach the subject with my soon to be 8 year old. I know the time is coming soon.
And I LOVE the look of your blog! Most impressive and very fall-y!
WOW do I remember these days. Yes, I did talk about it and the kids didn’t want to listen.
I wanted to tell them all the things I was never told by my parents/Mom.
Being the top-flight mom that I am, when my son asked where babies come from (on the way to school, no less), I stalled, then bought him a book. “Read this, kid, let me know if you have questions.” I ROCK.
I redeemed myself, though, when we found out he was having sex at 16. I talked to him about being safe first and foremost and always being considerate and respectful of his partner — I told him that girls usually experience sex differently than boys and that he should be as sensitive to that as he can. And I offered to buy him condoms — because once that door has been opened, it ain’t going to close, and I don’t want mistakes to happen because he was too embarrassed to make that purchase.
I sprung all this on him in the parking lot at Best Buy. He was horrified. Hopefully, he’s too traumatized to ever have sex again.
I don’t remember having a specific talk with my mom, either. I think this was mostly because I had to establish at an early age the difference between right and wrong touching, due to a childhood experience. I think my mom trusted the fact that I was too shy and introverted to be in a situation in which I wouldn’t know what to do.
And also, we had a talk at school in 5th grade. I remember vividly, all the 5th grade classes were split into 2 groups, boys and girls. Us girls all sat in a classroom and listened to a woman talk about periods, condoms, MIDOL, cramps, body hair, etc. We even got a handy dandy notebook.
Once the girls and boys were reunited we were encouraged to trade notebooks with the boys. Mostly we just traded so we could giggle over the drawings of the boys penises.
I shudder to think about the day when I’ll have to have The Talk with my baby E.
(I love the new layout, too! I miss the mountains of WV in the fall so terribly. But, hopefully hubby, E, and I will make a trip out to a pumpkin farm up here in New England to enjoy the fall…sigh)
I knew a lot of things before I should have, so my mom never really had ‘the talk’ with me, except ‘are you thinking about doing it’.
Zed and I have recently been having ‘the talk’ because he’s getting the pimples and there’s a girl in his class that’s at least a B cup already. I’ve gone a ‘let him ask questions and provide the answers’ route. Plus, after a scare on an online fantasy game he was playing, I’ve had to educate him about online sex predators. Dateline had one of their specials on, and he and I watched it together. That led to more questions.
I maintain an open dialog with him. He also feels very comfortable talking with Nick, and the two of them have had conversations. I think he’s still putting it all together in his little head.
Well…my mom got two books from the library about it. Sat there and read the newspaper. When I was done reading it she asked if I had any questions (NO…because I already knew all of this! I was 14)
Then she said, “oh, and dont say fuck, it’s a bad word for sex.”
Yep, that was it. Believe me, things will be much different when I talk about sex with my daughter!
I am still waiting for my mom to tell me about the birds & bees. I told my kids (both the girls & boys) when they were babies. No they all got the talk when they needed it. I always tell all of them don’t forget the raincoat-it is very important to have that.
Oh boy… she’s growing up! I don’t recall ever being talked to. I think I learned about it from my friend’s older sister’s magazines! Good for you for being such a good mom… I think you’ll all be fine!
At the age of 34 I am still waiting for my mom to give me “the talk”. Just think of another you. Better start hiding the wine!
It was like reading about my own life in your post, I’ve got a girl the same age and suddenly it’s make-up and heels and doing the hair. It’s okay so far, but I’m winging it. Luckily she still likes us a lot, we’re still cool enough to hang out with.
Thank God I didn’t have to have that talk with the girls. I think my mom just gave me a book. Every time she’d try to talk to me about it, I’d scream. The end.
I remember when my parents had “The Talk” with me. They used lots of metaphors and I got really confused, lol. Good luck!
PS. Your Fall blog look is amazing.
I started talking to my kids about sex REALLY early, like when they were 5, and I never stopped talking about it. My kids are 14 now, and my daughter isn’t sexually active now, but she’s had some experience in that direction. She’s been to the gyno twice and is on BCP to regulate her periods, but ‘just in case’. Sex is something that happens when you’re in high school, so although I’m not advocating it by any means, I’m trying hard to provide a safe and open environment so she feels comfortable about coming to me with issues. And she does. We talk about everything, even why boobs are different sizes on the same body!
She got her period when she was 10.5, so it’s lucky that we did prepare early. I’m an advocate of teaching kids that sex is naturally a part of life, but I also want them to respect themselves and any potential partners they have, so I think it’s right to talk early and often about sexuality.
We sort of had little talks along the way. My focus was SAFE and SENSIBLE, baby. Don’t worry too much. You’ve got such a close relationship with your children that you will both weather these years just fine.
You’ll do fine. Take notes so I can use them in about 8 years.
Yikes, I can’t believe this day has already arrived! She is such a grownup. Good luck
Well my dear, I will be coming to YOU for advice on this in about 2 - 4 years. I was 9 when I got my birds and bees talk, and a good thing, because Captain Tomatoboat decided to dock and unload the cargo by the time I was 10.
I am not at all scared about talking openly and honestly with my daughter when the time comes…but it’s the bawling, wailing and being unhappy with everything that had me afeared! Good luck!!!
So, my 16 yo and I were talking about breast implants. I said,”I think that they cut a lot of nerves and so you lose a lot of sensations”. She replies, “well that defeats the purpose doesn’t it?” Leaving me with my mouth wide open and my eyes bulging in shock while she laughed. We’ve talked about sex since I explained MY period when she was tiny… a little at a time, and getting more detailed as necessary. Even my 10 yo son knows a bit. If I don’t tell them the truth, someone else will tell them lies. :mischievous:
My mom couldn’t say the word “sex”. Course that was back in the day, I’ll be 50 this year. So we are talking ancient times here.
As a mom, I suggest starting at 10 if you live near any urban area in the US. You may think that’s young. It’s not. Average age of teenagers having their first sexual experience is 14. It’s much younger then we all had to deal with it. As my 21 year old daughter informed me recently when I was having “issues” with my 15 year old. Most all of her classmates were no longer virgins by 10th grade.
Luckily my oldest daughter wasn’t even interested in boy’s till about 17, then she was too busy working on scholarships to have a boyfriend. She did meet her husband at 18, and they both lived with me till she graduated college, since my lovely granddaughter came before the marriage. It was mom’s determination she was making it through college.
Now, my youngest daughter, was chasing boys for a kiss, at 3. I’ve ripped every hair out of my head at one point or another. what hasn’t been ripped out is gray now.
Anyways, stay close to her. Very close, one thing I’ve always done is say tell me if you feel you cannot wait. I want you to save the special moment for the “right” one. If you feel something is going to happen. Talk to me. Give me a chance to talk with you first. I promise not to yell, or get upset, but, I will feel you owe me a discussion.
That one clause I put into both the girls talks. Turned out to be, very important. It also showed me, how close I’ve stayed to my girls.
How many children when contemplating having sex, would go to their mother and talk about their feelings?
Stay that close, and that open.
I never got the talk, and when bad stuff happened to me at the ripe age of 13, I did not feel comfortable talking about it (that is what I pay for therapy now…
.
Have the talk earlier rather than later, and make her feel as close to you as possible, so that she never feels awkward coming to you!!!
I have been where you are and still find myself there. My daughter is 15 and when she got into the 6th grade I started to have the talk with her.
I knew she was going to be getting her period soon and it was a good time.
I started with the basics and then let her ask questions. I let her ask any question, with out laughing or wondering where in the heck she heard that from. I amswered it the best I could and age appropriately.
Through the years I keep the conversation going. We have a great open relationship. I am sure she wont tell me everything, but she knows she can. I believe with all my heart that because I started this talk early that if she feels she wants to experiment she will tell me and we can talk about it. And even go get some protection for her.
I dont want to deny her the safety against pregnancy although I am teaching her to wait. I was 18 and wished I waited longer, but my mom didnt do what I am doing with her.
Keep the lines of communication open and she will love you for it.