I’m not a pusher when it comes to my kids and their extra curricular activities. As a mother, I feel it is my job to cultivate their interests and support their choices. I will not overextend them or judge the decisions they make. However, I am not a quitter or a practice skipper so those values are passed on and reinforced.
There is one activity that I recently made a must for both of my girls - The Junior Cotillion program. This program prepares a child for proper behavior in social settings. You can roll your eyes if you want to - go ahead - but I think this is very important.
It kills me that kids today have no idea how to sit at the dinner table, introduce themselves or someone else, how to look someone in the eye and shake their hand or how to compose a proper Thank You note. It’s not their fault, I know. It’s their sloppy-ass parent’s.
How many times have you had another child over to play at your house and were appalled at their lack of manners? How many times have you been at a restaurant and could not believe the behavior of children over at the next table. It makes me shake my head.
Here are just a few of the life skills students learn in local chapters of the NATIONAL LEAGUE OF JUNIOR COTILLIONS. (taken from NLJC website)
EVERYDAY MANNERS * First impressions
* Introductions
* Greeting and shaking hands
* Paying and receiving compliments
* Correspondence
* Telephone manners
* Family dining
* Table manners
* Polite conversation
* When to rise
* Doors and coats
* Sports etiquetteFORMAL MANNERS
* Formal dining
* Party courtesies
* Hosting a party
* Receiving lines
* Eating unusual foods
* Instructional dinnersCHARACTER EDUCATION
* Honesty
* Integrity
* Promise keeping
* Fidelity
* Caring
* Respect
* Citizenship
* Excellence
* Accountability
* Handling peer pressure
I know what you’re going to say, “These things should be taught at home”. And you’re right. I do teach my kids these things at home but they seem to go down with a spoonful of sugar when they are being taught in a classroom-like setting among peers by an expert. The big upside is that I don’t have to be the bad guy. Here, the kids learn that social etiquette is not “Mom’s Rules” but the right way - or “the happy way of doing things”.
What struck me as interesting was the response I received from other parents (and some family) when I told them about the girls being in this program.
“Why would you want to put the kids in that?”
Why? Why? Do you really have to ask me that when your kid is licking my table and the other has one hand down his pants and one full of food ready to throw? Bottom line : They thought that I was trying to make my children better and more advanced socially than theirs. Isn’t that crazy? I guess, in way, they were right. I do want my kids to be better. I want them to have all of the tools they need to be successful and confident in life- as children and as adults. So sue me. And then go and teach your kids some freaking manners…
How do you handle the situation in your home? With rude guests (child and adult)?
And, yes, I know I sound like an old lady today thankyouverymuch.
I think it sounds great! Do they take adults too? :wink:
These are life skills that will stay with them throughout their adult life - in an unusual situation (especially when it comes to formal etiquette), the solution is going to pop into their brain from the recesses of their childhood learning and they will say “Whew! Thanks Mom!”
Your girls are already light years away from other family members who probably will never learn the word “Thank you”.
PS You will be proud to know that they both (yes, both!) waited to start their dinner until Nana and I sat down - and they were famished from a day at the beach! The older sister has learned to speak volumes through a ‘look’ to her sister. :rolleyes:
I took cotillion the summer between 6th and 7th grade. I use the things they taught me a heck of a lot more often than I use Differential Equasions (which I had to take for my Engineering Degree). I also happen to be one of those rare Engineer types with social skills
Hubby used to play in a dance band that provided the dancing music for the Junior Cotillion “graduation” (or whatever it’s called) every year. I used to poo-poo the whole thing, but after witnessing College Boy’s high school years, I have changed my mind. Bad manners in an 8-year-old is somewhat understandable, but bad manners in a teen is outright reprehensible.
I think the idea that most folks have is that this is quite a bourgeois practice. (thus, the eye-rolling!)
:cool: I think that whatever helps any kiddo become a successful person has got to be good for EVERYONE!
I have turned into freaking Emily Post lately. My sister-in-law and I were just talking about what a good idea these classes were. My children usually have good manners with other people. It’s with me that they slip up. My children go to school with many children from housing projects and they have excellent manners. They never answer without please or thank you and yes mam.
You should read Lynne Truss’ “Talk to the Hand”. In her book she says that manners aren’t about being superior but, “Manners are based on an ideal of empathy, of imagining the impact of one’s own actions on others.” Unfortunately, the grown ups are a little short on empathy so it’s no suprise that their children have no manners. Sorry for the soap box, I guess you hit a nerve.
It is hard for me to believe that anyone would question the reasons for letting your children learn manners! I personally haven’t heard of this group/class, but I wish I had the opportunity to recieve this training. It would save a lot of time reading Dear Prudence. Don’t ever doubt the decisions you make for your kids, at least not in the way that you wonder how other people will react. In the long run, you’ll show them, especially because your children will be positively affected by this training in other aspects of their lives. And it will show.
If not, at least you tried!
I had no idea they still had something like this. Right now, I’m at witt’s end with my son and he’s not even seven yet! The child eats like Tarzan the Ape man! ARGH! At this rate, I will be enrolling him in something by the age of 8 or I will go nuts! I give you props for doing this, MommaK. Total props!
Wow. I know at least 14 kids ages 11-18 who would benefit hugely from something like this.
I think its a great idea!
bad manners is one reason I have a diffictul time enjoying my Chick’s teen friends. One of them stayed with us for 4 weeks last summer and she layed her head on the dinner table, NEVER uttered a please or thank you, rolled her eyes at me, and never lifted a finger to help Chick do dishes or any other chore. What a brat!!!
Wow. Truthfully I never new anything like this exsisted. Yea, I could totally think of a couple kids that I know that need it, and I could also totally see people I know including relatives (and my mother) that would think I was crazy for sending my child to something like this. Not that I think it’s a horrible idea, mind you. I might feel bad sending them though. Like they could be doing something fun, and you force them to go to manners training. I think I’d do it only if they needed it.
But I think it’s great your kids are goin and not giving you a hard time. p.s. my daughter is only 8 mo old, so I’ll admit I’m not at that point just yet. Ask me in a couple of years, and I might change my tune. :sing:
I’m going to check into this post-haste! Elle looks like an angel, but things that we do at home (giggling over burps) aren’t so funny out in public. I know, I set a bad example sometimes, but what fun is life if you can’t laugh over gas? But I do admit that their other manners are ok, but could be better. Just last night Elle remembered to say please when she asked for water at dinner. I gave her props as positive reinforcement.
What an interesting idea. I had no clue this sort of thing was available and I found a program in Canada, though I can’t figure out where it’s held (likely in Toronto/Vancouver, like everything else - which is too far away for us).
Daren and I are diligent and consistent in teaching our sons manners - even Thomas. The only thing I worry about is Dylan being so shy, even with family members. He often will answer questions very quietly, or he will be reluctant to hug and kiss family members. I don’t push it though. He is only 7, but we quietly encourage him to answer at an audible level and to say please and thank you all the time. We both were raised that way and expect our kids to learn these ‘givens.’ He is required to write thank you notes and his table manners are very good. We’ve had his little friends over and I have to say I’m very proud of the job we are doing when I compare the kids.
I see nothing wrong with enrolling your kids in that program - it can only prove to serve them well in life. Great find!
Oh and I forgot to answer your question. I handle other children’s bad behaviour in my home (whether the parents are there or not) the same way I handle my own kids. They get positive reinforcement as well as a talking to if they are acting up (I’ve even given time outs or sent neighbourhood kids home).
If my guests don’t step in to control their kids, I have no problem speaking up. One friend of mine was over with her child and he kept walking through my house in his shoes, even after his mother told him several times to take them off. I finally stepped in and told him that Daren spent alot of money and hard work on our floors and that I would like him to take them off at the door. The next time he came inside, he took them off at the door and both his mother and I said thank you to him at the same time. Most of my friends are on the same parenting page, and we all believe ‘it takes a community to raise a child.’ It works for us!
My daughter is a better hostess than I am. She has lovely manners, even as a tiny tot my friends were amazed when she would say ” ‘cuse me” when she tried to get by. Of course, I let her watch a lot of Barney. Say what you will about Barney, that’s where she learned the Please & Thank you song.
If parents don’t know how to set a good example for…well, LIVING…then I think it doesn’t matter how many classes kids take if they don’t get it reinforced at home.
But whatever works best for your own family is what you should do.
Although in my opinion the classes should be for parents rather than kids, in most cases (not yours, of course!):lovestruck:
“Do you think manners are waning in kids today?” Not just kids. Adults have no idea how to act nowadays. They’re unappreciative, thoughtless, rude, and sometimes just nasty.
“How do you handle the situation in your home? With rude guests (child and adult)?”
Plus my family tells me that everything I ever think is written across my face, so people can usually tell when they’re on my last nerve.
I don’t invite them back.
I think it’s a good idea! It’s something I typically associate with the south, though it looks like there’s a chapter in my area. You know, we have driver’s ed, why not etiquette ed.? I bet they’ll pick up some great life skills that will serve them well for years to come.
I can think of some adults who’d benefit from this training! I agree with Monty that there are plenty of rude people out there — adults AND children!
I think it is such a great idea. Those tools alot of people could use now (young and old). And I agree with you, those things are learned at home but reinforced outside of the home. I wish I had taken one of those classes when I was young. At a high school where I work they introduced a class on etiquette and the school was shocked by the number of people that signed up. Many were interested in learning table manners for when or if they should go to nice restaurants. Good thinking. Don’t let others down for doing right for your family.
Junior Cotillion is a great idea. I think you’re right, that the classroom setting gives it more weight. Most of my kids friends are polite. But all kids need reminders AND good modeling. Frequently, the problem is that the parents have crappy manners, too.
The older I get, the more I notice that it’s the adults who are lacking good manners, not so much the kids. I think the class is a great idea, though
I think parents model behavior. When parents are rude it doesn’t matter how many classes a child takes….it won’t take, if you know what I mean.
I don’t really know if kids are ruder now that before. Most of our kid friends are under five, so we’ll have to see.
Whether a child takes manner classes or not, it’s just nice to know that their parents care and are working at raising pleasant and responsible kids. I like the peer pressure education listed up there. Sounds helpful.
I never knew there was such a chapter but I looked it up and there is one in my area. I always knew that I would sign my daughter up for Etiquette classes, now I know where to go! I think it is so important. Your girls will thank you one day.
Chidren(and parents) with rude manners don’t get invited back to my house…guess you know where that puts you :yes: If my kids are rude and obnoxious, I would hope someone would tell me…if I notice it, they are apologizing immediately. I think a lot of kids are lacking social graces and I applaud you for knowing your limits as a parent and doing a good thing for your girls. Do they have it for boys? Where do I sign?
A wonderful idea! We’ve raised our kids to know how to move in polite society, but I wish we had a program like this in our area.
You’re a peach!
I think it is a wonderful program. Our grandmother was pretty strick on manners but I can imagine that a good dose of cotillion class would have done a world of good for me as well.
When I was in college, my sorority put a great emphasis on manners. We even went as far as hosting formal dinners just so girls could learn proper table manners. We also hired speakers to come to our meetings to discuss social etiquette. Your girls, while I think they already have excellent manners, will learn so much from this program.
I did my best to teach my children manners, and they were complimented on theirs; but I do wish I had put them in Cotillion when they were younger. That’s where they learn poise, which is hard for a mom to teach at home.
Yes, manners are waning, both in parents and their kids. I have not had to deal with it personally, but I see it in restaurants, churches, movies, etc.
Your children will be a pleasure to be around, and have a lot more invitations to places. They should add a phone etiguette section, the way some children answer the phone should make their parents cringe.
I think this is a wonderful idea!!! SO many times we’ve had play dates/ get-togethers with appauling actions from the others. Then Sophia comes home thinking its okay to do “because so & so did it”. AAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!! Admittedly, I’ve been referring to Emily Post’s “Etiquette” to know what my daughter should know how to do by what age. Not as a strict “walk the line”, but to get an idea. Manners are ssssooo important.
I think it is awesome and I would sign my kids up too. I am always on my kids about manners that seem to have been lost to this generation. My kids even say “excuse me” when they walk in front of someone at the grocery store.
You are not alone. Keep up the good work.