Tomorrow is my big annual Well Woman visit. Dun-dun-dun-duuuuun. Laugh and be glad it’s not you. Okay - that’s enough of that.
I am absolutely and completely unprepared to go under the microscope or under the paper dress for that matter. Usually, I fast, cleanse, detox, supplement, de-flab and stop all evil habits a month or more beforehand. This year, I have only kicked those habits and the internal grunge they supply into high gear. What can I say? I’ve been a little stressed.
My biggest fear: the scale, the pap or the boob exam? I don’t know! It’s just all so much fun!
“Oh, you’ve gained a little weight”
“You’re going to feel some cold pressure”
“You do this every month, right?”
For the record, I do not let another woman feel me up every month.
And then there are all of those damn questions…
“Do you exercise?”
Ummmm….
“Do you smoke?”
Well…..
“Do you drink?”
YES !
“How many drinks per day/week?”
This always confuses me. Is that a trick question? I think it is.
“When was the first day of your last period?”
What the hell? That sounds like a word problem from a math book.
In the past, I have seriously prepped for these visits. I strive for perfection even if it’s fleeting and full of half-truths. I leave the doctor’s office and sweat the results until I receive the pretty pap and charming cholesterol post cards in the mail a few weeks after. A+++ Who-hoo! But, alas…this year is going to be a flippin’ flop. She may want to admit me. I’ll let you know where to send flowers.
I obsess annually over the annual- so much so that I begin to feel tumors growing in my body. I think about it (too much) and all of a sudden I have bladder control issues. My eyes are hazy and my knees hurt. I experience insomnia but still have those stubborn “sleep-eating” issues. My nails are breaking and my ends are splitting which is a sure indication of cancer or arthritis. I guess what I’m saying is - I could be dying. I’ll let you know tomorrow.
Your turn: Do you tell the doctor the truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth)
when you go for a check up or a physical?
Oh I hate, hate, hate those yearly exams! I always feel so creepy afterwards because of that KY crap. Ewwwwwwww! I know TMI but it’s true!
I usually lie about the exercise because I am always “just about to start” so I figure that means I do indeed exercise.
Ewwwww…. You’re reminding me of an appointment I need to make…
Nope, I’m afraid I don’t tell the doc the whole truth, even if it’s mostly true!
Now, could you just scoot down a little more to the edge of the table? Relax!!! :wave:
Nope. I hear what s/he has to say and then do what I want. Just hearing this stuff makes me tense up.
Hey, I saw a blog called Mommy K yesterday! When I saw your comment at Leanne’s I read the second one first and thought this was what you were referring to. I didn’t save the address.
Hope you’re doing well….ahhh except for the stuff above.
Ummm … Need I remind you that I just had a baby? Do you know how many times I was left to wait sitting not in a paper dress but a thread bare sheet? The indignities that I suffered!! Care to guess how many times in 9 months? And I am asking to do it again! I guess the doctor failed to check MY HEAD.
Pretty much. Or I give a vague answer: Do you exercise? Not as much as I should…
I’ve never ever prepped for a Gyn exam. I’m lucky if I remember to shave that day! Wow, I feel like a bad patient! I have my exam next week. Maybe I’ll write myself a note on the calendar: SHAVE! :wave:
Good luck… everything will be fine!
I try to tell the whole truth. I actually had to switch my doctor because my old doctor made me feel guilty and I obsessed over telling him the truth. I can tell a stranger details but not someone I’ve known for 11 years?
I’m so honest with my gyno that last year I had her laughing. Shoot, if you can’t be honest with her, who can you be honest with?!
UGH! I hate the doc’s, but if I have to go I usually tell the truth…well sometimes.
Sending you stress reducing healthy vibes.
lol, your comments made me laugh, which is quite a feat considering how much I hate going to the OB/GYN. I’ve never met a woman who likes visiting hers actually, and if someone ever told me they did enjoy those visits I’d back away slowly cause they must be nuts.
I’m honest but I don’t think she’s listening half the time. Sometimes those doctors are like college frat boys, they just want to get in, out and on to the next one.
Hell no! :rofl:
Let me see — what would be MY favorite part of this wonderful yearly experience? Um, hard to say — I just love it all so much (watch out, don’t get stuck in all the dripping sarcasm!)
I came looking for your Thursday 13. Like your blog.
My 13 are posted.
My appointments Rock! My doc is also a friend of mine. He delivered my son. We are always crackin’ jokes and satirizing the whole event. Almost as fun as “Pelvic Night Live”(in the 80’s, not the crap they have on now). I call it my yearly “Scootch to the end of the table”
While I don’t enjoy “The procedure”, it’s necessary, so why not have fun with it?
And yes, I’m honest with Doc. No point in lying to someone who can tell by the numbers. Not honest with me sometimes, as my DL weight will attest, but always, always honest with Doc. No use paying $85 for the opportunity to lie.
Having just had two kids in less than three years I am more that used to the exams. What I am usually most concern over is my feet. Do they smell? Do they need some lotion? Socks or no socks?
No, I don’t tell the whole truth. I protect myself behind little lies…forget my exercises but I almost always remember my soja pills. And I have to make my appointment soon! good luck! :wave:
I just went for my follow-up from an abnormal pap last year. Always so much fun.
No, I don’t tell the whole truth. :shame:
i think the benefit of growing up surrounded by doctors is that i’m never scared of them enough for me to hide any facts.
buuuut… i’ve been bad. i haven’t had any annual check-ups for a couple of years now. i’m scheduled for one in january/february next year though, so that’s good, right?
What complicated questions! I’m glad I don’t go to the Well Woman!
So do you mean you’re like Angie and like a male doctor over a female doctor?
I’m just the opposite. Too creepy to have a man do that. I’d much rather have a woman check me out. But my ob/gyn is a man anyway, and I do dread visits.
Of course I fudge a little. When they ask a question it’s like “Two months ago I exercised four times a week, so I put that down.” The sad thing is you can’t lie about your weight.
Ha! We all hear the same questions and dread some more then others. The checking once a month is a hoot - always felt that was a little kinky! :giggle:
The curse of getting older; just finally worked through the annual mammogram - we’re talking PAIN beyond the usual nakedness embarrassment! I should write a column on the atrocities of the annual squashed boobagram! But it gets better……..if you’re really seeking downright humiliation, join me for my colonoscopy next month!
Heck no! I make crap up about how AWFUL I feel and play up all my bad habits. They send me away saying I’m fine!
I don’t have very good insurance, I’m sure that’s why…
Well, mostly I do…..LOL. I just went through all those tests, plus a few you won’t need - and I never get used to them. Ick!
Oh heck no I don’t tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! That just wouldn’t be any fun now would it?
ps- good luck with this!
I’m am very honest with my doctor - I exercise 3 times a week, I quit smoking and I eat only heart-healthy foods.
I’m also a pathological liar.
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