Friday night my husband and I attended a formal dinner in Washington D.C. It was a beautiful rainy night in the District where the streets were congested, horns were a honking and all of the valets were in hiding. Did I mention we forgot an umbrella? We did. It was one of those nights.
I should have taken it as a sign when one of my only set of diamond earrings went down the bathroom drain an hour before departure, but I tried to stay positive. The show must go on kind of thing. This was a work function for my husband so there was no feigning a headache.
The dinner was held in an art gallery so I was actually looking forward to the event. We arrived a bit late and a tad soggy - but on time for dinner. Everyone had just been seated, as a matter of fact. As we strolled in, we tried to nonchalantly find our seats. Low and behold, there were two open ones right next to my husband’s brand new boss and his wife. They spied us and waved us over. My knees buckled. Oh goodie.
I should have prefaced this entry with a very well known fact in my household and unfortunately beyond. I am the worst at social conversation. I will almost always say the wrong thing and hobble away with my foot in my mouth. The more I try to say the right thing, the more I bumble. This usually has a insy-winsy bit to do with vino, so I had already sworn that off. Pellegrino for me, please. Thank you.
So, we sat. Small talk was laborious but sober - at least on my part. The normal questions came up.
“So, K…I assume you don’t work.”
Was that even a question?
“Four kids????? You look so young!”
They didn’t let that one drop. How rude is it to chew on a personal detail of someone’s life like a starving dog with a bone?
“What school did you go to?”
Oh God. Here it comes…
“An actress???”
“Have I seen you in anything?”
I don’t know. Did you frequent New York City student productions in the 90’s? Free theater at the Upper West Side Barnes & Noble? How about Children’s Theater? Yeah, I was the horse.
Dinner was served and the band graciously played so loud that conversation was next to impossible. As I tried to see how many pieces I could cut my baby carrots into, I tuned into a conversation next to me being led by the boss’s wife. She was telling a devilish story about a co-worker.
“I didn’t know what to make of her. I mean there she was walking towards me - this beautiful, thin, young, blonde girl and I thought - what will I possibly have in common to talk about with her? I mean…come on!”
As she rolled through the sentence, it hit me. She was about to put her foot in her mouth. Now, I do not consider myself beautiful but I am semi-thin, much younger than her and very blonde. She realized it too. As I nodded along with her story and laughed appropriately, she got it. I saw it in her eyes. The “oh shit” look that I am usually the one wearing. Let me tell you - it made my night being on the other side of that look.
Actually, I was victorious. I made it through the tough questions, the awkward introductions and the close-talker small talk that usually takes my breath away with visions of various brands of breath mints dancing through my head. I did it. I did not make one social faux pas and I even looked good for being rained on.
Maybe that’s a sign that my luck is changing. Hell, I got to see the American Gothic so my night was made in the shade and then some.
Your faux paux or someone else’s - no matter. Let’s dish.
Wow. So glad you made it through that night!
My most embarrassing faux pas by far was when I saw my stepdaughter’s art teacher at church one night with a much older woman. We went to our seats and told my husband and other stepdaughter about it. I started really playing it up, saying, “Oh that woman had to be his mother. She was really, really old. Hey, you should tell everyone at school that you saw him with his WIFE! His old lady wife! That would be hilarious!”
Then a girl sitting in front of us turned around and said, “That’s my mother. Mr. Art Teacher is my dad.” She was very nice about it, too. Worst of all? She was baptized that night! I have never felt like such a miserable clod as I did that night…
I’m so glad that it all went fairly well for you. You needed a night out too, didn’t you.
My roommate decides to hold a dinner party for some of her boyfriends friends. They were upper middle class and had lots of old money. They were discussing wines and champaign. She was asked what her favorite champaign was.
Her response was “Dom Perrier”
Can’t think of one offhand since there are just too many to choose from. All I know is that NONE of them had anything to do with being thin or blonde. Or probably even young.
Oh gah! I’m cringing for Lucinda! I don’t often put my foot in my mouth, but only because I am frozen with anxiety in social situations! It takes wine just to get me to say “hello, nice to meet you!” and I NEVER remember peoples names! Glad you got off free this time momma!
Loved that story and Yes, you deserved a night out. I hope your husband plans to buy you new diamond earrings….I would have been so bummed about that.
I really can’t think of any, but I do remember being embarrased for someone else. I was talking to this man once at a get together and he had this huge booger hanging out of his nose. It was gross! I couldn’t wait to stop talking to him and then when I wanted to tell my girlfriend the story…..she had one too. It was then forever called “B” night.
I just generally am stiff at parties like that. My faux pas are made when I force myself to talk.
I try now to sit next to people I like and can talk about things like movies with.
I too am terrible a social situations. I start babbling and end up talking about feces or dead bodies. When I was pregnant with my 1st child my husband and I were at a wedding reception and several people asked/told us how unappropriate for me to drink while pregnant. I was drinking water, everyone thought I was drunk. The older I get the worse I get also.
I have plenty - but I am usually too drunk to remember, so I have none to share. Sorry!
See, now I would have looked at myself and then looked at her and made a funny remark of some sort.
And I am good with a crowd~I’m an excellent schmoozer.
It’s the one-on-one where I tend to make the most embarrassing or inappropriate remarks.
CONSTANTLY.
Like when you fart during sex for the first time. *heeheehee*
OR so I’ve heard.
How awkward for her! :duh: :duh: :duh:
Sounds like you did great!
:wave:
OK, there’s a social faux pas for you… somehow getting 3 of the same smilies on one line! That wasn’t on purpose! Though I do think smilies are fun! :giggle:
That was a wonderful story. Embarrasing situations I hsve noticed is when I’ve visited someone and the two have clearly just had an argument. One can cut the tension with a knife.
Wonder where you got the ‘hoof-in-mouth’ desease from…….
There is no doubt in my mind that you and BP “wowed” everyone at the party!
My most glorious faux pax will go unremarked. But there was one, which I am hiding from everybody, forever.
That’s funny. I have a good one but no time to write about it. Stupid job! Hey, I bet she was intimidated by your gorgeous sex-kitten hair! Sorry, I just can’t let that one go. It’s Angie’s fault.
Truthfully -I have never been to a swanky cocktail party. In the deep south things are done differently than up here. I have seen celebrities and mega business deals transpire over a pig pickin’ and a cattle show/sale.
I should have read Mary’s comment before I clicked submit! MommaK has the most gorgeous hair! Sex-kitten is the only way I know how to describe it (and her LOL).
I’m more of a work meeting kinda paux-er. Glad you were on the “good” end.
Well, lessee….it was just a family faux pas, but I paid for it for a long time. The day after my sister’s wedding, she was sitting in my parent’s living room alone and I joined her to dish about the wedding. I realized she wasn’t alone when I made a comment about what slut her new husband’s sister looked like in her cocktail dress that was cut so high and so low she might as well have been wearing a bathrobe. He had been sitting behind her, concealed from my view. OY. Not an auspicious start to our relationship.
The first faux pas that comes to my mind is something I actually did TWICE to the SAME PERSON which makes it even worse. I was commenting about a girl in my junior high whose name was Candace Dyck. But, we all called her Candy which means her name was… you guessed it, Candy Dyck (pronounced Dick). What a horrid name to go through life with. I haven’t told this story often but I’ve told it to the same person TWICE and that person is one of my husband’s best friends whose last name is DYCK. What’s the matter with me?! Both times I realized it about 20 seconds after telling the story. Seriously, you’d think I’d have learned the first time. :duh:
Oh I am sure I have made a ton. Most of mine occur when I have had a drink or two (or three, four,…
.
You did great. I am sure your grandmother would be proud. :mischievous:
bui
Tito:lay agreers overstatements