The following is a real question from a real person (namely me).
The names were changes to protect the innocent.
My friend’s husband has a co-worker that had no family or friends to celebrate Thanksgiving with so even though he did not really enjoy this person, he invited her over to his home for the holiday. She accepted but then on Thanksgiving morning called his house and explained to his wife that her family happily surprised her by coming over with a meal to cook at her home. She hoped they were not too upset that she wouldn’t be able to make it over.
My friend’s husband and his wife were very relieved. Although they wanted to make sure she was not alone for the holiday, it would have been awkward having her and her interesting personality meshing with their family around the turkey table.
So the problem solved itself…until a few weeks later at the company Christmas party where the co-worker approached my friend’s husband’s wife. She told her that since she couldn’t make it for Thanksgiving she would be there for Christmas…and she would be bringing her sister and possibly her sister’s boyfriend. The wife was utterly shocked and didn’t know what to say so, like she ended up doing most of the night, she merely smiled and nodded her head.
Now they had another dilemma. They already had 15 people coming to squeeze in around their table for Christmas and really had no room for 3 more. Besides which my friend’s husband’s wife had a policy of never bumping her own children to another table for the sake of fitting in people lower on the food chain (meaning: not family).
My friend wants to know:
How do you UN-invite someone for a holiday meal?
Can you UN-invite someone who in all actuality invited themselves in the first place?
And if you do have them over, can you make them sit at the kids table?
:pleasantry: Kid’s table…hahahahaha!!
Let’s see, I guess you want a serious answer?!
That said, the friend is being far over-the-top presumptuous by asking about Christmas, so something needs to be said to the woman. Something like “Merry Christmas, but we have no room at the inn.” Of course, it needs to be funnier than that!
I’m with Nat… maybe a cookie plate could go along with the message… for “their celebration.”
I have no constructive help. I wouldn’t be able to uninvite them. My only hope would be that with such a huge crowd, she would blend in and be less intrusive.
I think it was awful of her to invite herself over for Christmas! And then to invite others with her!?!? That is awful!
Ugh. I would tell the person that after taking a head count of those guests she invited, I realized there is simply not enough room for 3 extra people, apologize, and remind that person that with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend, she can surely have her own wonderful little party. If that person became offended, I wouldn’t hesitate to point out that they invited themselves, and that I agreed as a courtesy thinking I had enough room for them.
You lie your ass off and say that there has been a change of plans and that you will be celbrating Xmas elsewhere.
yeah ideally you tell the truth (or some version) but the easy solution is to say you made other plans, reminding them that the original offer was for TGiving.
It seems like they could have their own party unless they can’t afford the food and just want to mooch.
:rant:
Oh my. Oh dear. This chick has a serious issue! Inviting herself for Christmas??? I’d call her and tell her “I’m sorry you mis-understood. The invitation to Thanksgiving was not an open-ended invitation. With my own family, I have limited space, and I’m very sorry, but I just won’t be able to accomodate you and your guests. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.” The end. Of course, I’m rather blunt and don’t consider other people’s feelings once they decide to try to walk all over me.
Just say no. I’d call her up and say “I’m sorry that you thought you could invite yourself over to such a personal exchange of gifts and food, and I didn’t have the heart to tell you you’re a moron, so you’re going to have to make your own damn ham. Happy Holidays! click.”
No, I really wouldn’t say that. I’d be nicer about it, but some way, some how, that chick wouldn’t be coming over.
:sarcastic:
i think you have to tell a white lie on this one. Say there are some isues in your extended family that need tending to and your famly needs privacy. Invite her over for dinner on a night that is not a holiday.
wow. That is a tough one. I could never uninvite her, but my husband could. hehehe Seriously, I can’t believe the gall of some people to just invite themselves, and then bring people with them. :shocked:
That a tough one. I think I would have to agree with the others that perhaps telling her that the invitation was for Thanksgiving only… not Christmas.
Call her, tell her, be done with it. She is the rude one, not the potential hostess. Gad, what nerve.
~K!
There’s always room for more hospitality at Christmas, BUT, I’d call and ask her to contribute to the meal, and when they arrived, I’d put THEM at a “kid table.” Maybe she’d feel like the uncouth boor that she is.
:duh:
oooh… hard one.
i guess, the truth won’t hurt? it’ll be awkward but it’ll be like ripping off a band-aid! heehee…
or you could tell her that it’ll be just family…(scratching my head) :rolleyes:
If the issue is relocating the kids to another table, don’t. Make a nice centerpiece of cranberries and a candle and a little holly and let them have a family dinner at the end of your holiday table or in the garage with the dog. If the issue is you don’t want her there, then you need to tell her that due to a scheduling conflict (namely you have to schedule time to chew her butt for nasty manners)or due to a special family surprise(Surprise! No unwanted houseguests!) you need to reschedule(like- how’s the 10th of Never?!?!) hosting their family (hello, but isn’t 2 sisters and a boyfriend a big enough group to have their own meal? I mean a Stouffer’s Lasagne and they’re there, right?)
If you suck it up and let them come, make her do the dishes and and make her sister be in charge of coats, and the boyfriend…have him stand by the fishtank and make sure nobody taps on it.
This reminds me of my “Turmoil Covered in Gravy ” posting.
All I know is that I’m sick of being taken advantage of and I am so glad I’m not in your friend’s shoes. Bummer.
Can I have one of these today??? LOL!
:chillpill:
Yow…some people’s kids! I think it would be best to straight out explain that there’s not enough room for them plus the family. And put some distance there, especially since she’s not really a friend anyway.
I like the lie about the change of venue, and lies are often easier for the receiver than the truth, and therefore harmless. I was going to suggest just saying that you were only having Christmas with family, but inviting them to something else — New Years or something else. Ooh ooh, what about letting them know that the Christmas tradition is that you bring a gift valued at $200 or more!
I would have simply looked stupidly at the woman and said “I’m sorry, we already have other arrangements made for the Christmas holiday. Thank you for thinking of us, and I hope you and your family have a lovely holiday.”
I don’t think you can UNinvite them because they weren’t invited in the first place.
I’d probably just say Hey, sorry, but my family has made other arrangements for Christmas and maybe next year they could try again. MAYBE.
Or better yet, just have the husband say, “Sorry, my wife was totally drunk & should have told you that we’re not going to be home for Christmas.”
She invited herself? To xmas dinner? Is it my SIL, she requested the entee and a plain potato. If you cant un-invite, can you put them at a table by themselves?
Is she bringing anything?
What audacity!
“We’ve reformatted the event…attendees must be pompous, arrogant, pretentious asses. We apologize if this excludes you. Please RSVP”
Well, the person should simply be told there is not enough room, or that it’s a family-only occasion.
But I would probably let them come, particularly if I didn’t have the guts to tell the person when she initially brought it up. Because I’m all weak that way.
This coming from a person who’s taken an extra carpool rider home across town for months because her mother claims for various (untrue) reasons that she’s too busy to pick up a carpool shift a few times a week. Now that’s an advice question -I- need help with.
Either turn them down flat, or tell them it has been ‘rescheduled’ to another night, when it is more convenient for you to attend to them
Since this has potential ramifications for the husband at work a little white lie seems to be in order - newcomers must do all the cooking and cleaning
Holy shit….are you kidding me? No no no. That’s pretty presumptuous. Please tell me this is not a true story because my temp is up. LOL You know what I would say, but it’s your blog and I wont’ desecrate it!
“Yeah, uh, we’re not going to be home for Christmas.” Then lock the door and turn out the lights.
“Or the honest way–we just don’t have the space for more this year. Maybe we can have a dinner together soon–on another day”
I agree with Monty…how can you univite someone…sho NEVER was invited.
Tell her the truth and let her make her own party as someone suggested. Who in their right mind would do this?? Maybe this woman is not in her right mind. I would stay clear from her.
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LadyBug Crossing Ettiquette Specialist says that you do have a way out. You can call the person. Tell her that you were delighted that she wanted to join you on Christmas Day. Explain that your Christmas dinner is a quiet time for immediate family only. Then say that you always have friends over at 0:00pm for dessert and “leftover buffet” and that you hope they will join you.
This eliminates the hassle of seating them and by 5 or 6pm they won’t want to go out anyway.
Good Luck!
LBC
WOW. It is so easy for me to armchair quarterback from the comfort of my little computer chair here - but I’d have to say that the truth would be the best bet. No awkward lies to have to remember, no chance of having them come over later or another night - seeing as they aren’t really friendly anyway. I am SO glad this isn’t me.
You say this:
“Sorry, but we’re having family only this year. The Old Country Buffet is open. I bet your little group will love it. And it’s only $7.95 per person.”
The problem with the lie is it’s one more thing to keep track of in conversations around the office after Christmas. I think it just makes sense to say you have more family than you realized when you spoke at the party and there just isn’t going to be room and isn’t it nice that she has her sister to be with? And if you haven’t done this already- do it now before you agree to let her bring a green bean casserole.
And good luck.
Ouch! Why is it we can never come up with the appropriate response when we get hit with these thunderbolts out of the blue? If I hadn’t called her bluff immediately, I doubt that I’d have the nerve to call back later and “cancel,” despite never having invited her.
I would probably feel sorry for her and let her come. I would ask her to bring a dish or two, and possibly a card table and three folding chairs. I certainly wouldn’t bump family from the main table.
Although an terrible awkward position, for your friend’s husband sake you suck it up, have them over and do buffet style dinner where peope sit where ever. Hopefully, you won’t have to do this again next holiday season. That is terrible of this person. After the holidays, have your friend’s husband have her fired. He’s the “MAN”!
It doesn’t actually sound like they were invited to Christmas, so I would just tell them “sorry, but we’ll be elsewhere at Christmas.”
Or… you could call the day before and tell her your family suddenly called and invited you to THEIR place (this would, of course, have to be true, so call the relatives NOW) and that you hope she won’t be upset if you won’t be home.
Turnabout, eh?
This is what I’m thinking. Your friend can NOT allow them to come to dinner, and it’s probably better if she tells the truth about it. I say this because this person is obviously not going to handle to more subtle social cues the rest of us rely on in society (ie, don’t invite yourself along to a family holiday). If your friend isn’t firm now, this will go on and on (ask me how I know…
If she lies and says something came up and they are doing dinner elsewhere, they’ll just get hit later with the person inviting her entourage along for a Valentine’s Day date or something equally outrageous.
If she sucks it up and lets them come over, she may as well tattoo “WELCOME” on her forehead, because these folks will be at her house for every single occasion from now until the end of time.
It will be uncomfortable to tell her not to come, but not as uncomfortable as it will be having her as your new best friend and family member.
I would try something like this, “It was so nice to talk to you the other night, but I’m afraid I was caught a little off-guard when you asked about Christmas. I appreciate that you would like to spend more time with us, but that just isn’t possible during the holidays. I do hope you will let us extend an invitation for another time…”
Good grief, what a moron! I’m with the lying camp. As a rule, I don’t like to lie. But in this case, I wouldn’t hesitate to.